Reply to Divorcees - any red flags from the beginning?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]I beleive that a significant percentage of marriages end for reasons that were apparent on some level before marriage but were minimized[/b], ignored, or thought to be something that handled, made better, or worked out.  You see it all the time in posts here and in this thread itself - he drank a little too much, he smoked weed but told me he would quit when we had kids, he had a temper, he lacked ambition, he had too much ambition and was a workaholic, he spent too much time with his family, he preferred hanging with his friends over me, he had credit issues, he was bad with money, he didn't want kids and I did, he wanted kids and I didn't, and on and on and on.  Always remember the little things before marriage become the BIG things after marriage.[/quote]

As my father said, "the signs are always there, it's whether or not you want to see them".  [/quote]

Sure, but nobody is perfect--everyone has some "signs" that could be warnings in retrospect. I think people overestimate how well they can predict what people will be like in the future and [b]underestimate how much people change over time[/b] and how circumstances can change people.

I have good friends who were seemingly happily married for many years and divorced. My friend talks now about their the warning signs, but there were many years when they outwardly seemed very happy (and I spent a ton of time with them). I'm not saying it isn't true, but people pick and choose to build their narrative, and it changes as current circumstances change.

[/quote]

Agree, and that was my pp.  Of course people are emotional and sometimes we see what we want to see.  We hope that things will be better with a new person and push for that to be a reality.  In terms of changing through time, I certainly would not want to be with someone who is the same person at 59 as 29 but that is the great leap in figuring out if someone is the right person.[/quote]

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