Reply to Last name for future adopted kid of gay dads

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "Last name for future adopted kid of gay dads"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Adoptive mom of a child who was 7 at time of adoption.

[b]It is SO important that you change her/his last name[/b]. My 7.5 year old is now 22. She would not have wanted to grow up without being connected to our name(s). It is a tangible sign to all the world that she is ours. We did not give her the option and she never questioned it and easily wrote the new name on her school papers. She was happy about the adoption and still is. She remembers the "before" part. Changing the last name was explained as part of adoption, of what happens with adoption. Your social worker can explain this once you have decided on the last name. Then you can follow up. The kid may know and expect this anyway.  Personally, I would not give your child the choice. You want to give them the message that they are permanently part of your family. If you give them the idea that you are not including them in your family name, you are sending a message of your ambivalence. I am very active in older adoption circles and don't know of a single family who did not change their child's last name.

That said, our DD kept her first name which is a nice tie to her birthfamily. They chose that name and I believe she could not have changed that first name at age 7 without an identity crisis. She has two middle names, one of which is my last name. She has the last name of my DH. All the kids in the family have those two last names, one as a middle name. It's a tangible bonding thing for them and us.

Good luck! [/quote]

THIS IS TERRIBLE ADVICE.  EVERYTHING should be a case by case basis.  You can't just make blanket statements like that. You have to do what is in the best interest of the child - and that is not the same for every child.  My god.  [/quote]

+10000000 so bizarre. I am terrified reading some of the comments in here, people giving blanket advise without knowing the child's situation, environment, psycho-assessment,ect. OP, please listen to your social worker, she has dealt with the child for much longer than anyone on DCUM and should have assessed her appropriately tot determine what would be less damaging in her/his situation, so go with that.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics