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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For the PP (there were several) who realized it was too soon to date after X amount of time, or felt emotionally empty inside, etc. Do you think that will change over time, such that you may desire a relationship again? Just wondering what it's like in the trenches. I am contemplating divorce, the marriage itself is long-dead, it's a matter of me feeling financially and logistically I can pull it off, and then emotionally, ripping off the band-aid. I'm not in love now, but hope someday, I might be. And I don't expect to feel "ready" to try for a while (1,2, maybe 5 years!) Lots of emotional baggage to work through, 2 young elementary school kids. But I do yearn for the partnership, friendship, companionship I never had with my marriage. I'm afraid to start again knowing what I would want (eventually) is tall order. Maybe I'll find life on the other side, I won't want that anymore. But do you think about remarrying? Or finding a forever-mate (maybe no marriage, but lifelong partner?) Is that too much too ask for a 40-something divorced woman with kids?[/quote]

One of the PP's here who is taking some time to heal and isn't ready for anything serious- I absolutely know I want to be and will be in a loving, caring relationship with someone I have an emotional attachment with eventually.  I'm just not ready for that yet. I think recognizing that is really important.  When my ex moved out I was absolutely convinced that no one would ever love me again or find me attractive and that I was going to be alone forever.  Convinced!  When you're in that situation and you're at the most vulnerable place you've ever been in your life you notice all of your flaws and convince yourself that you're a horrible ogre that isn't worthy of love.  (At least I did, for a short period of time).  I slowly worked through that and have rebuilt my self esteem to a place where I now know my true self and my value.  I'm spending time reflecting on what happened to the marriage, my role in its demise and what I would do differently in the future.  It's so sad that these lessons couldn't have been learned before it was too late (on both sides, my ex was equally to blame).  And for the PP who suggested that saving the marriage was the answer, a lot of times we just don't have the option-you absolutely can't control what the other person wants.

I do intend to find another companion and partner when I'm ready.  And given my experience in the dating world I don't think it's going to be as difficult as I'd initially thought.  I truly doubt I'll ever get married again.  My kids are in high school and will be out of the house soon.  My finances are secure.  I see no reason to ever remarry but I guess I'm not totally opposed to the idea?  No idea what that future will bring.  But back to the original question, yes I absolutely know that I will desire a relationship again.  I just need to be in a place where I'm healthy enough for it to succeed.[/quote]

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