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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My stepmother was recently diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. Next up is surgery and then 6 months of chemo minimum. She has stated that she refuses to see anyone during this period (aside from my dad) , as she does not want anyone to see her disabled/sick/bald/etc. This is a 70 something woman who has never struck me as vain--in the least--but clearlly there is some pride/fear at work here. She is completely adamant about this and threatened to go elsewhere if my dad disobeyed her and let people see her.

I am not sure how to respond and to be frank, I am sad that she is choosing to spend what may be the last year of her life (prognosis is not great) alone and isolated. WHile she and I have had a rocky relationship, she has been an involved grandparent to my young kids and they would be devastated to never see her again should it come to that.

anyway, just seeking insight here if anyone's gone through anything similar. I'm not sure what to tell my kids or how to help my dad, who will now himself effectively be isolated as well, since he'll need to stay with her most of the time (and they are world travelers with means, so this is unusual). [/quote]

You simply have to process this is not about you or your kids.  She is facing things as she feels is best. And as another poster mentioned, her feelings may evolve. You _must_ defer to her feelings because SHE is the one facing this battle for her life, and she may lose it in the process. There is no guidebook for this stuff, she has to figure it out for herself. Your dad is supporting her wishes, as he should.

The threat to go elsewhere sounds a little over the top, but she is facing her own suffering and death, which is about as over the top as it gets.

So relax and try to trust the process here. I feel your frustration. I lost my mom to cancer and have a good friend about to lose his life. He is stubborn as a mule and I decided to just let him dictate what he wants to do even if it makes no sense. "Let go, let God" kind of thing.[/quote]

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