Reply to Why does my Mother think she can hate me but have a relationship with my minor children?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I am in a similar situation and I deal with it by allowing limited interaction that I control. 
Meaning, I initiate phone calls, on speaker, with the children and my mom on a monthly basis (ignore the whining, sad long voicemails she leaves on an almost daily basis), visit yearly on a trip I set up where we don't stay with her but save a day in our trip for a visit where I am present and control the time/place/conversation, send school pictures and birthdays gifts, etc.
However, I absolutely and 100% shut down any nastiness or inappropriate topics with a pleasant "ok we are done here mom, look forward to next time" and hang up the phone, and have had to stand up and announce "ok kids time for us to leave" with a big smile on my face, for their sake.
I feel that it's the best way, and my job really, to foster some type of relationship while maintaining boundaries. Honestly, I have some guilt and regret, though I know logically it's not my fault, and it's best for me too to try a little.
I hope this helps [/quote]

I think you are very strong to do this. It's so hard to set up boundaries and reinforce that. My only way to be successful is to cut off contact because otherwise it was just too difficult to pull back. You should be very proud of the way you're protecting yourself and your family.[/quote]

PP here, and thank you so much for saying that. It really is born a lot from guilt and the anxiety it caused me when I did cut her off completely in the past, pre kids. I am approaching 40 now, and with the kids I found that it was a way for me to feel stronger and therefore benefits me. I spent years hating myself for feeling badly about her remarks, "why am I letting her get to me?" type feelings.  Awful, so I don't blame you one bit or think it's weak to choose a different way.
I read a quote that really helped me with this situation "Choose forgiveness. Not for them, but because you deserve peace." That really simply sums up why I do what I do.
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