Reply to Freaking out a bit. Wedding is in two weeks and I can't shake obvious red flags.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m having serious cold feet.

My soon to be husband is way too close to his family. His family means literally – everything – to him.

*He spent two days in the hospital with his sister when she was in labor. He posted several pictures of his niece on Facebook yet he has never in three years posted a single picture of us aside from his Facebook profile. I’m not mad at all that he posted these photos on Facebook, I am just upset that he clearly values his family way above and beyond our relationship.
*I feel overwhelmed by the amount of time he spends with his family. I’m not comfortable with it. I feel like his family is and will always come first, I will come second.
*He spent 6-8 months/year working in remote conditions. When he would come home he would scurry off to his parents house to see his family for 4-5 nights a week and come home late and I would be sitting there waiting for him.
*He still sees his family 3 times per week, this is something I am grudgingly coming to terms with. I see my own family 2-3 times/year and talk to them on the phone probably once a week for comparison.
*He is obsessed with his nephew and gets frustrated when I show lack of interest. I don’t have any kids and am personally not really interested in other peoples kids – I am however very interested in having kids of my own.
*He forgot to buy me a birthday present one year, yet would ask me what kind of shoes he should buy his sister.
*On that note, he constantly talks about his siblings. His sister in particular, I mean he brings up anecdotes about her daily.
*If he has ANY free time, I mean any where it’s not spending time with me. He will go over to his parent or brother-in-law and sister’s house and wait until I go home for him to go home. The man can’t spend any time by himself.
*He has always lived at home, except for a 3 year relationship with his ex. He has never had his own apartment or living space.

I am freaking out about the likelihood of dealing with this for the rest of my life. The wedding is in two weeks. We have had SEVERAL conversations about this and he has made some changes but I constantly feel like I am coming in second-best.

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Have you posted this before? I vaguely remember something like with - along with details that the fiancé wanted to buy a larger car so they could drive his niece/nephew around. Maybe it's a different poster and this is common.

DO NOT marry him. If it's too hard/awkward to cancel the wedding on 2 weeks notice - "postpone" it under the guise of -- we lost the hall; and then you and he talk it out, break up, and never re schedule the wedding.

Being close with your family is one thing but he is overly close. 2 days in the hospital for his sister in labor - was it HIS baby? Buying shoes for his sister - what man does that?? He comes home after 6-8 months working far away and hangs out at his parents' house nightly when he has a girlfriend who is sitting home alone waiting for him?? Randomly talking about his sister - what brother does that unless his sister is going through something major like she just got laid off or cheated on? Yeah - his family is number 1 and always will be. Wait until you have kids -- grandparents and aunt will be at EVERY soccer game, birthday party, and minor school function. Despite the fact that they'll see your kids 5 times a week, it will NEVER be enough. You say you see your family 2-3 times/yr -- I assume some of those times are holidays. Wait until you bring up that you want to spend Christmas with your family so they can get to know your kid. It'll be major drama with grandparents and aunt and your DH will agree with them - bc despite the fact that they see your kid 250-300 times/yr, YOU will be the bitch that is taking away THEIR grandchild for Christmas. I wouldn't get into this - something about his lack of boundaries sounds off and I say this coming from an ethnic, very family oriented culture that can drive you batty (think my Big Fat Greek wedding).[/quote]

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