Reply to Should I stay in the marriage or should I divorce him?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You seem very concerned about your daughter, which is laudable.  But, you seem overly concerned about things that are not so important (aftercare) and under-concerned about things that are very importation (the long term impact of growing up in the relationship you describe).

My exDH cheated repeatedly, travelled often for work and was not engaged in the task of parenting.  I felt, like you did, that he should be doing 50% of the work, because he agreed to having a child.  But, you can't make a person be a good parent.  When I considered ending the relationship, I really thought hard about the impact on my kids and what message I would be sending them if I stayed.  I asked myself, if my daughter came to me and confided that she had a marriage like I did at that moment, would I advise her to stay?  Was my life the kind of life I wanted her to have?  Would I have been proud of my son if he grew up to be the kind of father his father was being?  I couldn't answer yes to any of those questions, so end it.

Money has been tough, but my children and I are in a much better place.  Looking back, I can see that had I focused on keeping an "intact" family for them in this circumstances, they would have been really messed up psychologically in ways that would have been difficult to prevent.  Now we live in our own home, which is a healthy place for them.  They still suffer from their father's choices, but that is largely compartmentalized and as they have grown older they are more able to protect themselves and decide on their own what kind of relationship they want to have. 
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OP here. Thanks for your input. Of course, I would be horrified if my daughter lived in a marriage like mine. But she too would be worse off if we divorced. I would be concerned about money all the time, stressed out, working late. Because I don't see my husband very often, I feel that the situation is at least bearable. [/quote]

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