Reply to Should I stay in the marriage or should I divorce him?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"If we didn't have a child, I would have left him years ago."

Your own words, OP. Please listen to yourself. You knew the answer before you ever asked random strangers here, so please have the confidence to listen to your gut.

Do not stay in the marriage just for your daughter. If you fear that divorcing will give her a bad example of a relationship, please be aware that staying in a marriage where the husband clearly cheats with zero remorse about it is a much worse example than divorcing and then modeling how a woman does not have to tolerate that kind of treatment. Of course you won't tell her now, in so many words, that daddy is a terrible husband and father. But in time she will figure it out and will understand that you did the right thing in not allowing yourself to be walked all over. She may be angry with you at first, especially if daddy tries to claim you are somehow wrong, but be strong -- stick to your decision, never say anything bad about dad but keep things neutral, and if you can, consider getting her some counseling if she has trouble with the divorce. But do not stay for her sake, or you show her that it's OK for a husband to cheat. You CAN do this.

Before you say a word to him, though, get a lawyer experienced in divorce and custody so DH can't screw you out of custody (if he gets vengeful). Be SURE you have at least some money that is only in your name, which he cannot access at all; and be sure you have things set up so he can't clear out bank accounts or shut down credit cards etc. You might need to go to your nearest Women's Center (look them up) or talk with your attorney about how to protect some assets -- if you think your DH would clear out funds to punish you.

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OP here. Thanks for your input. I am horrified of the scenario that you have just described: going to a woman's shelter, lawyering up, the full-on war about custody, child support and alimony...

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