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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If she says "I can't be hurting you" say "And yet, you are." [b]Wrest your arm away, or put your other hand in her grabbing arm and pull her off you. If she doesn't like being manhandled that way, then maybe she'll get your point[/b]. [/quote]

OP, do this only if you want to alienate your MIL, your husband and anyone else who sees you "wrest" yourself away from her. What a wrong response.

OP, I do not mean this next question with any snark, but sincerely: Have you been around many older people, or around older people who are just not very -- for lack of a better term -- aware about their own bodies?

If you are not used to being around elderly people you might not realize that yes, sometimes some of them they do not actually feel that they are gripping your hand or arm tightly or hanging on too long. They may not be aware of other things, too, such as the fact they're speaking very loudly (because they can't hear you as well as they once did, are compensating, and actually cannot hear that they are being unusually loud). Or they might seem to be "in your face" and "violating your personal space" (as some of us might see it) when actually they are just coming closer to you without realizing it, because they are not seeing you as well as they once did or need to be closer to hear you.

I grew up with my grandmother in the home for decades, and knew many of my older relatives well, and what you are describing is not abuse. It's not intentional. Especially if MIL was fairly strong before she started getting older, she may not at all feel that her grip is too tight on others. If you stew and seethe about it you're going to set yourself up for a real rift with your MIL and DH that does not have to happen.

Your MIL has the first of those examples -- a grip she doesn't even realize she is doing. None of these things are meant personally or cruelly and you do acknowledge in your post above that she is fine with you and dotes on your daughter. So please, step back from the language about "physical aggression." She may be a person who only touches or holds onto those with whom she is comfortable, and that's why she does it with you-- she wants your attention. And then she does not realize her grip, and when you've mentioned it, she jokes.

So when she comes up to you to take your arm or shoulder, pre-empt her and take her upper arm in one of your hands, gently, and her hand in your other hand. In short, YOU grasp HER --gently, no "wrenching" like in the stupid advice above -- and then let her lead you to whatever she wanted to show you. If she is holding you too tightly, just say, "Hey, I know I must be tender, but you're hanging on kind of tight there, Sally! Let me hold onto you instead. Now, what about that great recipe you were going to show me?" Comment kindly, then distract and change the topic immediately.

.[/quote]

AND when Sally pool-poohs OPs comment that it hurts and refuses to release her grasp, which is hurting OP, then what?[/quote]

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