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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Insecure woman "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=ZachF]She derives her sense of self-worth by her looks. She needs constant reassurance that she is attractive and, worse than that, more attractive than other women. Any other women that may cross her path, or she thinks cross your path. No matter what you tell her, or how often, it will never be enough. Her low self-esteem is poison to any relationship you try to have with her. She will flip out and accuse you of of wanting other women, and get just as angry as if you had actually cheated. The thought of you being somewhere where there might be prettier or younger women will drive her nuts. It's more likely that this was a big contributor to the break-up of her marriage. It's less likely that her previous relationship caused her to be this way. I'd advise you run from this one. She has serious issues that won't go away anytime soon and you will suffer the consequences if you get involved with her. She will exhaust you and you won't be able to be honest with her. For example, try this the next time she asks for reassurance that she is indeed the prettiest of them all. Say, there are millions of women in the world and in the course of the day, I may see a hundred of them. And just as many people see me. Just as I'm certain that I'm not the best looking man any of them have seen, I'm sure you understand that their are women who are better looking than you. Younger, more fit, perfect bodies. And I see them all the time. I'm sure you see men who are a lot more attractive to you than I am or will ever be. Does it matter? Is this something that is going to affect our relationship for all time? Can you handle the fact that there are other beautiful people in this world that I come in contact with or will you always feel the need to compare yourself, and question me about it? Can you deal with me interacting with other women in the normal course of life, like being pleasant and smiling when talking to a waitress without having some darker thoughts? If she can't deal with knowing there are better looking women than her in your orbit but you choose to be with her and they are not a threat, then it's hopeless. [/quote] Maybe don't tell her that there will always be more attractive women. Tell her she is the most attractive woman TO YOU. My husband said these things to me once when I was feeling insecure and it just made me feel worse. He was - and still is - very flirty with other women which I assume you are not. But anyway it seems like she is seeking reassurance so why not just give it to her? ask her if there is anything you are doing or saying that is making her feel insecure. Try to understand her feelings. maybe give her extra compliments and attention when other women are around. If you think it is too much work or if the behavior does not improve then it might be time to break up. But the next woman could have worse issues, you have to pick your poison sometimes.[/quote]
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