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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can relate, OP.  My ILs were nice people and gave my DH a good home (he is NOT adoptive).  DH loved them very much.  I had nothing in common with them and while I was always nice, polite and did my family duty, it always bothered them that we didn't have the relationship they always envisioned having with their DIL.  My DH and I nearly called off the wedding because of it (we were in relationship counseling over it).  There were no hard words, no bad behavior, I just didn't have the emotional closeness with them that they wanted.  In hindsight (they're both dead now), I don't think the challenge was because we had little common ground, I think I was repelled by what I sensed was their 'clinginess'.  They 'needed' a close emotional relationship and I didn't.  It wasn't enough that I was an excellent partner for their DS, that I was nice and did what I was supposed to.  They wanted more.  It got better after we had kids.  They could shower the kids with all the love they wanted and they were excellent grandparents.

I think you should sit down with your DH and agree on what his parents deserve - and they do deserve to have a relationship with their grandkids if nothing else.  Now, if there were abuse issues, my response would be different.  I understand how this places a burden on you, you really do have to suck it up.  But, the onus doesn't have to be all on you.  Your DH needs to pull his weight on this.[/quote]

Thanks, I relate to what you wrote about your relationship with the ILs. I 100% agree on the relationship with grandkids. That is never in question.

I'm not really trying to change anything except my feelings about them. And maybe some of the responsibility in mine in DH's relationship for who deals with them. [/quote]

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