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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]... 1) [b]We are all that my DH's parents have 2) FIL is basically a saint 3) MIL is disabled. [/b]...

I find this really, really sad.  On top of this they don't ask much of you.  Have you truly tried to get to know them, especially MIL?  Ask questions about her past, her childhood, etc., in an attempt to really know where she is coming from.

Sad.

[/quote]

I agree, very sad, which is why I wrote this post, offered those details, and asked for help for how I'm FEELING.

Yes, I've really tried to get to know them. We are just profoundly different.  MIL is mentally as well as physically disabled [b](although the mental part isn't totally acknowledged by everyone).[/b] She operates like a child. She is very, very hard to communicate with, on anything other than a surface level, and I'm actually pretty good at communicating/interviewing people/finding something interesting about anyone on the planet.

[/quote]

Ah, the third page important detail!

So...who does and doesn't acknowledge it?  Is FIL an enabler rather than a saint?

And how long has it been an issue?  DH likely could really stand some counseling--mental illness, particularly untreated mental illness, in a family can really affect everyone else.[/quote]

OK, MIL has had a lifelong serious mental illness, mostly controlled from what I understand, but requiring hardcore drugs that over time have left her older than her years.

And it's established/acknowledged that she has the early signs of a disabling old-age disease. (I don't want to name the exact conditions here). She has very good care, and FIL does a saintly job of making sure of it. But I kind of feel like he's been propping her up their whole lives. Acting like she's normal and "all there" when she clearly is not.

Anyway, the mental disabilities don't make her mean or nasty or anything. Just very simple, childlike and dependent. Sometimes greedy, self-centered.

Yes, I think my DH could use some counseling. Thanks for pulling this out. I just feel like a really mean and nasty person for (privately!!!) disliking my poor ILs under these circumstances. And of course there are all these people here ready to tell me that I am in fact a terrible person, just for feeling this way.

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