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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know why your DH feels that way, that is unusual.  Clearly they love his kids and consider them their cherished grand kids.  Which part of their lives are so alien to you? I think, if all is like you wrote, you touched upon the problem yourself. [b]Your and your DH don't see them as family, rather as some people you are generous about allowing time with your kids.[/b] I don't think it is one sided, don't the kids like their grandparents?  I would think that kids are getting a lot of it out too, relationship with loving grandparents can enrich your kids lives.[/quote]

This is kinda true but I was hoping it's not as ugly as that at the root. But yeah, I feel like that, deep down. [/quote]
I mean, it's not the nicest way to feel, but since you are cordial and keep up a relationship for your kids' sake, why is it such a big deal? Think about why these feelings worry you so much. Do you feel guilty? Do you resent them? Are you holding onto regret/sadness that they're not better parents/ILs for you? Getting to the root of the bad feelings might help lessen your anxiety.[/quote]

Yes, thank you. I guess it's not a big deal. But yeah, I feel guilty and resent them and feel sad that I don't have different ILs.

On the adoption thing, although I know this sounds terrible to say, I am sure that I could love my ILs more if they were more "like" my DH, if I saw shared personality or physical traits, that would help endear me. But they don't.

I do appreciate that they gave DH a loving and safe upbringing, but they didn't make him "who he is." He is very, very different from them.

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