Reply to She bad mouthed me to my husband and he's angry and weirded out

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Reply to "She bad mouthed me to my husband and he's angry and weirded out"

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[quote=Anonymous]
This thread has gone about the way I thought it would.  Women talking about "it is not his business" and "agency" and all that.  OP, you really need to understand a man's perspective if you want to resolve this.  In this regard, the women's advice is not helpful because none of them have mastered thinking "like a man."  And when I say that, I am talking about the discounting of the male ego.

Deep down, all men know that their wives had histories before them.  MOST of us do not want to know the nitty gritty because we do not want the image in our heads.  So, yea telling your DH that you were regrettably wild in your younger days is a good idea - telling him that you took two men at once is not.  The hardest thing that I had to deal with in that regard was that DW had sex with a good friend of mine before we dated. She should have told me and I am glad she did, but it took a long time to get that image out of my head.  Illogical I know, but ego is often illogical. What your friend did was give details that he can visualize.  Give him time and do not force the issue.  Hell, he probably did some of the same things and he will come around.  He does not WANT to be mad - his mind is just playing tricks on him right now.

Also, to all women out there please do NOT tell your DH that you will not do something sexually with them that you previously did to someone else because "I did not care about them but I care about you so I won't do that anymore." Men cannot process that.  A better way to go is "I did that when I was in a bad place and I felt degraded after I did it - I never want to feel that way again."  [/quote]

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