Reply to Is this ridiculous? DH and I disagree over whether to have another child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I REALLY want another child. Like, I know I will be disappointed for a very long time if I can't have one. It may be biologically driven as I'm 36 and the door is closing soon, so to speak. DH really does not want another child. I feel so sad about this and can't stop hoping that maybe I'll be able to change his mind (fwiw, we can afford it, it's not a financial thing).

[b]Does it matter how many kids we already have? [/b]The people in my life - my mom, sisters, BFF, etc. - are not especially sympathetic because we have three and they tell me that should be "sufficient." I love them dearly but it doesn't change the fact that I feel someone is missing from our family, kwim?[/quote]
Of course the number of kids you already have matters to your decision-making?!  Each kid takes resources and energy, and it's foolish not to think about what you have to give (and how old you will be when they leave your home) before bringing a new life into the world.

That said, the number doesn't matter to your feelings. I know of people who were desperate to have another kid when they already had 5 children, and i know people who cannot fathom having another kid after 1.  You need to separate your feelings about this from your decision-making process.  Your DH has feelings also, and they seem to be the opposite of yours. [b] If you are unable to move past your feelings, there is no shame in seeing a counselor to help you do so. [/b] You are right that it might be something that haunts you for a very long time if you can't find a way to move on from it.

[b]But if one parent doesn't want any more kids, I think that's pretty much the end of the conversation.[/b][/quote]
+1 Or try joint counseling if you're having a hard time communicating clearly - this is a very personal, complex decision and it can be hard to articulate what you're feeling and why. Maybe if you felt you understood DH's perspective more, it would be easier to accept. You don't want to resent him for years to come, when you should be enjoying the family you have now.[/quote]

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