Reply to DW bad temper - don't know what to do

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would sit her down when you are both calm-preferably get a sitter and go out and talk.  Tell her this is really serious.  She's not acting like the person you married, and you are worried about her anger for her, for you, and for the kids.  Insist that in the next two weeks she sees her primary care doctor and an individual therapist, and tell her you will schedule an appointment for a couples therapist.  If she's willing to acknowledge that there is a problem, I suspect the solutions will come from her working on herself (working with a therapist on emotional regulation and maybe starting medication), and the two of you finding ways to reduce the overall work and stress in her life.  It doesn't sound like reducing her work hours would necessarily help or be good for the kids, but could you work fewer hours, could you get more paid support for household tasks or childcare?[/quote]

OP, I'm a DW with a bad temper. I've never smashed or broken anything, but I have done my share of stomping, screaming into pillows, punching inanimate objects, etc. I can relate to the anecdote you shared about roughly wiping the child's face due to frustration with a mess. I've done that. Kids definitely made it worse, especially when my older daughter was 3 and a real challenge. She very obviously gets aspects of her personality, including a temper, from me. It's not good. My DH never intervened as the PP suggested above, but I would have been receptive and appreciative, so I suggest you try it. I started working on myself and developing strategies to manage when I realized (1) that I was effectively teaching my daughter to have a bad temper like I did, and I did not want to do that to her (in addition to the obvious problems with a bad temper, it actually FEELS horrible physically, I get very upset and agitated and want to tear my hair out); and (2) I could see the long view that it would affect my relationship with my kids and it was NOT the kind of mom I wanted to be. Perhaps you could try making those points to her. Good luck.[/quote]

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