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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

In my case, it also helps immensely to consider how terrible it would be to ruin the other person's life. My friend is a wonderful human being and a great dad. Most people who meet him only see the successful man he is today but knowing him better, I'm aware he's overcome massive obstacles, including getting hurt by an ex wife who left him to someone else. I can tell he's attracted to me but even if I was crazy enough to risk my own marriage, there's no way in the world I'd put him in a position to make a mistake that would hurt his family the way he was hurt-- and then leave him to deal with the guilt and pain. Perplexingly, it's because I deeply care about and admire this man -- probably even love him -- that I could never cheat with him. I have to choose between being with him and deserving him. And I'd choose the latter.

So...it sometimes feels a little sad. I'm sure I'd have chosen my friend over the man I married if both had been interested when I was single. I have no idea what he'd have done.

But that's completely beside the point. And I think the bitter sweet feeling of caring deeply for someone, along with the racing heart you get from new attractions, can coexist with a faithful marriage.

[/quote]

OP here. Thanks for this perspective (and all the other experiences, and the links to resources). This is how I feel as well, and it's how I've been able to resist temptation in the past. This one is just a doozy.

As for why this is happening, on reflection, I think it's because this man and I have something in common that I don't share with my husband (a long-term, high-stress past experience, although we didn't know each other at that time). So in a way I feel this guy automatically gets a part of me that my husband can't really detect. Of course, I'm sure it would just be a matter of time that I'd find out how many more things I share with my husband than with this man... DH and I also definitely have a deep connection, which is why I'm so glad I didn't settle for any of my exes.

The insanity is already less intense than when I first posted.  Today DCUM feels like a supportive community. Thankfully I don't have to see this man until April, so I hope that by then I will just roll my eyes at my current self.[/quote]

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