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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What works for me: forcing myself to.viduslize DGs reaction, to consider what a divorce would look.like, to imagine my kids shuttling back and forth, to imagine DH falling in love with someone else, to imagine seeing his family and to feel his and my children's pain.  So instead I use those flirtatious possibilities as a little added food for thought in the bedroom (that won't hurt DH, he benefits).[/quote]

This is what I do. I haven't cheated, nor will I. However, I've been very attracted to someone I know through work for a long time. In the past year the feelings have deepened - I'm pretty sure on both sides. So I have cut back on the working coffees and meals that led me down that emotional path (we have different employers but work on two projects together) and I go out of my way to add other people to meetings we have to do.

I haven't yet managed to stop feeling what I do, but I have used it as a way to focus on how central this marriage is to my child's life. So I have made lemonade by acting out my sexual fantasies with my husband. He has no idea to whom he owes my increased drive.

In my case, it also helps immensely to consider how terrible it would be to ruin the other person's life. My friend is a wonderful human being and a great dad. Most people who meet him only see the successful man he is today but knowing him better, I'm aware he's overcome massive obstacles, including getting hurt by an ex wife who left him to someone else. I can tell he's attracted to me but even if I was crazy enough to risk my own marriage, there's no way in the world I'd put him in a position to make a mistake that would hurt his family the way he was hurt-- and then leave him to deal with the guilt and pain. Perplexingly, it's because I deeply care about and admire this man -- probably even love him -- that I could never cheat with him. I have to choose between being with him and deserving him. And I'd choose the latter.

So...it sometimes feels a little sad. I'm sure I'd have chosen my friend over the man I married if both had been interested when I was single. I have no idea what he'd have done.

But that's completely beside the point. And I think the bitter sweet feeling of caring deeply for someone, along with the racing heart you get from new attractions, can coexist with a faithful marriage.

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