Reply to Controlling behavior in a DH due to extreme introversion and anxiety rather than "machismo"

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Reply to "Controlling behavior in a DH due to extreme introversion and anxiety rather than "machismo""

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[quote=Anonymous]
OP,

My introverted and asocial husband has control and anger issues. He has untreated ADHD, which causes a lot of problems, notably hoarding tendencies and systematic tardiness and time management problems. He is a perfectionist afraid of failure. Etc, etc. He has done embarrassing things in public, and abusive acts in private.

What has helped us is seeing a therapist for couple counseling, using the CBT method. The therapist used gentle words and insight from his childhood and family relationships to explain what I had been saying all along, only he takes it much better when it comes from her, because she's a neutral and expert third party. She also made me see how we pushed each other's buttons and how we could communicate more constructively to diffuse impending fights.

I highly encourage you to find a good therapist - he or she will be worth their weight in gold if they can get your husband to understand himself better and try to be more aware of how he treats you and others. He may realize that he needs medication, but first I think it's important for both of you to work through your feelings and establish a different dynamic. Don't forget that you probably act and respond in a way that pushes his buttons too, so both of you need to work on a re-framing your communication.
 
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