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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sensing here that most of the sexless marriages don't then morph back into a regular sexy marriage. Not often cured?[/quote]

I believe that is correct, but it can be done with work. Here's our story:

Went sexless for over 2 years. Variety of reasons -- kids, life, distance, resentment, he used too much porn (more resentment), and then I had an emotional affair with a work colleague from overseas. Our marriage was in the tank. He caught on to my EA and we sat down, had it out and began some really hard work of healing. We went to a Retrouvaille weekend retreat. We both acknowledged we had deeply hurt the other. (I felt so incredibly rejected by his porn use, sometimes the same day we had sex. It made me feel ugly and worthless like I wasn't good enough.)

So you can see we had a ton of pain and resentment built up = emotional distance = sexless. I didn't need it, didn't really want it, and he didn't need it because he was getting off with his porn vixens.

As I said, we finally, at wits end, and with two successful kids in a loving home, laid it out bare on the table. We fix this or we go on our way. We set about fixing it. It has not been easy, or quick. We committed first to reconnecting in other ways -- walks after dinner, holding hands in church, movies, dinners out without the kids, nonsexual cuddle time in bed, etc.

We had frank discussions about sex. How he needed it. How I didn't. How I understood it was important to him. How emotional pain had been a barrier to it.

Slowly we began to grow closer together. We aren't anywhere near where we should be, or were when we were younger (now 52, married 19 years).

Last weekend we went away for two nights without the kids. We had a nice dinner out, and we made love at night and in the morning. Sparks? Honestly,l not really, but it did make us feel closer. Will sparks come back? At age 52, after 20 years and all of this? I don't know. But I want to be married to him. To me, there are a lot more important things than sex. I understand that to him, there aren't a lot more important things than sex, so we are working on it.

It is hard. You think it wouldn't be. When you are young, there are hot guys, you get tingles, and you fool around and it's all fun. This seems like so. much. work. now, but this is the marriage we have and recognize it's not the marriage we want. So it's on us to fix it. Fixing the sex is one piece of it.[/quote]

PP, this is really great, and I hope my own DW reads it. The most important part is that both of you made a commitment to fixing it. My DW is not there yet. I am being patient but it is very difficult.[/quote]

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