Reply to Ritual of "gratefulness" when outsiders are present. Isn't this unbearable?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find it unbearable to be present as a guest at the holidays when someone's family is made or encouraged to go around the table and declare what they are grateful for.  I just can't stand it.

Why did this tradition evolve?  It's so smarmy and insincere.  The kids always say they are grateful for their family, and then add a couple of presents in "My Wingding 2000."  "My new bike."

The parents ooze about their families, their spouses, their health, etc.

Why, why, why?[/quote]

OP, this is a genuine question for you, not snark: since this clearly bothers you deeply, why accept an invitation to be a guest of people who do this? Was it sprung on you once or do you return to a particular relative's house at the holidays knowing it will be done each time? I'm wondering why you are a guest if you feel so strongly about this. Is the dislike sufficient for you to not go back? Or is this a family obligation so you feel you must go and can't tell the host you will be in the kitchen filling the water glasses during this time ?

Personally I agree with the PP who noted that as a society we do not teach gratitude well (if at all) . What you view as smarmy oozing can be seen entirely differently by others. Is it possible that you're experiencing this ritual among people you know well and see the rest of the year so you happen to know, for instance, that a person's exaggerating what they say--?

But I do sincerely wonder why you are a guest where you're this uncomfortable. Maybe it's time to change up your holidays?[/quote]

OP here.  I was not provided with a program of activities prior to the holiday meal so I did not know this was on the agenda.  Of course they do not see it the same way I do, I'm sure they do not see as smarmy oozing, of course I am cynical.  Just throwing it out there.  It didn't ruin the meal and I would go back.[/quote]

You used the terms [b]"program of activities" and "agenda"[/b] in reference to Thanksgiving dinner with friends.  One suggestion for next Thanksgiving would be to not take yourself so seriously.[/quote]

You asked me why I accepted the invite in a household where this was done, and whether it was sprung on me or not.  FFS.[/quote]

Some of us call these "traditions."

If you don't like holiday traditions, particularly ones centered on gratitude for a holiday celebrating the giving of thanks, then you should stay home and eat your meal free of tradition.

[/quote]

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