Reply to Is anyone in a marriage where the DH is the default parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here, thank you for the supportive responses. I've felt a lot of shame for being in this spot and have had a hard time being open to friends about this. This has mostly been a private matter, which in some ways I second guess.[/quote]

I'm sorry you feel ashamed. You shouldn't though. You're clearly still struggling with depression. I hope you follow through with CBT. It makes such a difference compared to talk therapy. It's hard, but what you're doing now isn't easy either.

Until you can get the appointment set up, I'll also piggyback onto what others have suggested with taking on a small chore a few times a week. I'd recommend talking with DH and offering a few options and listening to what he says is most helpful for him. Maybe loading the dishwasher or folding laundry. The trick is not to choose something so big you'll feel overwhelmed, or so critical that it causes a catastrophe if you mess up. I'd also recommend a reward chart and some small reward for yourself for your successes. It helps to see something concrete showing that you've done good for yourself and your family. Start small-small tasks, small rewards. Maybe one task during the first week, like wash dishes three times in a week and at the end of the week treat yourself to a new magazine or an episode of a show you don't normally find time to watch. Then the second week, maybe you continue with dishes 3 times and add in breakfast on the weekends (don't want to be late for work). Something simple like the other poster mentioned-frozen waffles or cereal is perfect. If that goes well, add in a 4th day of dishes the third week. If you can't maintain it, switch tasks. By then you hopefully will have an appointment with a CBT therapist and you'll be able to show something that worked and you can build on, or something that didn't work out so well and they'll have better ideas more suited to your needs.

I've been there. It sucks so bad but you can pull yourself out of this. It takes time, support, and a lot of hard work. Good for you for getting help. [/quote]

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