Reply to Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child

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Reply to "Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here,

Like many of you, I thought this was something that I could just skip around. That's obvious, right?  However, DC is gifted just enough to detect my attempts to avoid the conversation. But, she is also very much the typical emotional three-year old.

So I think I need to develop a straightforward plan. Something that's clear and avoids the possibility of backtracking.

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Honestly OP yo are projecting your feelings onto your kid, Stop that right now.  Its clear you are not over this at all, the fact that you now want to reach out to the half sister to "move this along" tells me you really have not resolved the issues with your dad.  You ONLY tell your kid "I don;t have a dad" - he is 3 and not that interested honestly, even if you think he is "gifted".   Then you need to have a serious talk with your mom and a therapist. Your dad had an affair with your mom, wanted her just for sex and then it got complicated and he bailed.   It sucks, but that story is as old as time.  He probably told your mom a ton of lies and she bought them. Your mom is just as resposnbilbe for this as your dad. [/quote]

I'm trying to avoid the projection. I'm not exactly unbiased and that's why I don't think I'm able to keep this out of the dysfunctional territory.[/quote]

OP, this is a cop out and you are making this about you and your needs and not your kid's needs.

One of my kids is very gifted and was exceptionally precocious and aware of adult issues at a very young age.

Guess what? He was still a kid with kid emotions. Having that much older intellect did not make it easier to process more detailed information. It makes it harder, much harder.

If your child truly is "gifted", do NOT fall into the trap of giving him more information about sensitive adult matters than one would give to the average three year old. Just don't.  A truly gifted three year old has a great imballance between emotional maturity and intellectual maturity, which makes it much more difficult for them to process these kinds of things.

It is very important that you do what is developmemtally appropriate and give him just the minimum possible (such as I don't have a dad, or my dad lives too far to visit).

More than that iz more likely to damage your kid.

Just because your three year old can do older kid puzzlss, write his name, decode a book, talks early and asks lots of probing questions does not mean his emotions are deveoped enough to handle a discussion more appropriate for an older kid or teen.

Save the "love child" discussion for much, much later, like when he is in high school and you are reinforcing the consequences of sex.  Arpund then he will have a reference point to process the information in a positive way, and an age appropriate need for the information.
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