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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes you can forgive her but forgiveness is not trust. You can't trust her.

You can forgive her for being petty and insecure and weak.

You can't allow her to be rude or mean or disrespectful to your wife.

Stand up to her, "sister, I love you ... but you need to stop being rude to me and Larla" Period. My marriage is none of you business and I expect you to be respectful to my wife or you will see less and less of me. [/quote]

OP, this is a smart post. The fact you're even asking the question about whether to forgive your sister indicates to me that on some level you maybe want to forgive her, and if so, that's kind of you. But as PP says, you can forgive her being so weak and foolish but cannot allow any of the behaviors toward your wife or your marriage to continue.

I also agree with PPs mentioning mental illness. People with BPD can do exactly the types of things you describe and can turn one person, in this case your wife, into a scapegoat for everything they think is wrong (your wife keeps you away from your "blood" family, you only do/say things to appease your abusive wife, etc.). And they make statements sometimes almost as if they hope saying what they want out loud enough times means it's true -- which is kind of what she's doing by telling others you are divorcing.

All this is NOT an excuse for her horrible actions but it is a possible explanation. She needs a certain reality in which someone is a villain and some part of her brain chose your wife. But this kind of personal reality affects other people. You can't stop it -- if it's BPD or other mental issues, only treatment can stop it - but you can choose to disengage.

So do it. Block her.  IF you feel some filial affection and concern here, you could block her but also, just once, tell her in person that that you love her as your sister but you cannot permit her words, texts and behavior like lies about divorce (to those outside the family! Good grief!) to go on affecting your family. Then with as much kindness as you can muster in this tough scenario, tell her that you believe she's creating her own reality about your marriage, and you deeply hope she will get therapy. If you do this, do it in person, no texts, no e-mail, your wife not there, just you and sister and another family member who agrees with you there. You need a third party present, so sister cannot claim later that you yelled or were abusive etc. Don't see her alone. Expect her to go ballistic, maybe, or to brush all your words off with "Oh, your evil wife told you to say all this! This is her talking, not you!" etc.

Yeah, been there, done that, OP. Do [u]not[/u] talk to sister if you don't want to, just block her, but if you do have that one in-person talk, have someone else there and keep it very brief. Don't engage in a dialogue about it all or let sister start going off about your wife or your "divorce." Say your piece, be genuine in your wish that she get therapy, and get out of there. You will at least know you made an effort beyond just cutting off all texts. But if cutting off is the only way, take it.

But I hope you won't stop seeing other family members, if you want to see them, because of her. Reach out and arrange ways and times to see others without her there. One key thing -- be SURE that other family members understand that when sister says you are divorcing, or if she makes any form of comment about your wife or your marriage or your being under your wife's control etc. -- it is untrue. "Please do not give any credence to anything Sally has said or may say about Wife or me. Sally seems to have her own reality when it comes to me and Wife, and has said things to us and to others that are simply not true. We are no longer in contact with Sally, but we do want to keep all our relationships with the rest of the family; we just need to ensure that you understand what you hear from her about me, wife or our marriage can't be believed." Or something along those lines.[/quote]

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