Reply to Stopping caring saved my marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's fascinating to me that the people who are responding in disagreement think this is about letting the husband off the hook and letting him act like a man-baby.

To the poster who's got it all figured out 4 years in, congrats!  Talk to me in 16. . .
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Hey smarty pants, I included that so I wouldn't sound like a sanctimonious ass. We are still new to this. I could have just lied you know  :P 
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Yea just some men don't respond well to feeling they are being told how things are going to be - things were 50/50 for us until we had kids - have you had kids yet? [/quote]

I had a neighbor who seemed to have a perfect relationship with her DH - they were always doing sweet things together, and speaking so highly of each other.  She would have said things like PP, and demanded her way or the highway - her DH was very acquiescent.  I used to feel really badly about my own relationship in comparison - my DH worked really long hours (until 11 p.m. or midnight was very common) and our DD was an extremely difficult baby/toddler - we were both exhausted all the time.  DH is very stubborn and has to come to things as if they were his idea, or he feels controlled and resists (He has plenty of great qualities, I'm just trying to point out that he didn't easily go along with things)  I was home with DD and starting a small business at the time.  Then my neighbor and I were both pregnant at the same time - her with their first, me with our second.  After our babies were born, it was like a switch was thrown in their marriage - suddenly they were arguing a lot, not doing sweet things, complaining about each other.  It was really helpful for me to see that - I realized that a lot of our struggles were entirely situational.  Until kids come along, resources are quite abundant.  After that, you have to learn an entirely new navigation/negotiation of resources (time, money, energy, love, etc).

I agree with another PP who pointed out that sometimes people just have different priorities, and that doesn't necessarily make them lazy.  Taking a step back can sometimes make that more clear.[/quote]

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