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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know that I really agree with this line of thinking. Maybe my husband is more..malleable than many men? I wouldn't have thought so but my take on this kind of thing is that bottom line, I don't take crap. I deserve to be treated a certain way and I am going to get that treatment.

When we were first married, he did that thing many men do where they go to the grocery store and came back with a bunch of junk. Unh uh, sorry, your ass is going back to the store to get the real food we need. And yes I will ridicule you because you deserve to be. Thirty years old and you can't scan the cupboards to see what we need? Fucking no. He leaves his dirty dishes by the sink for me to clean or whiskers in the sink? I'm not your fucking maid, this is unacceptable, clean them now before you go to work. You thought I was going to do all the night wakings and take care of the kid by myself while you "baby sit" some times? No fucking way, I will divorce your ass over this. You're going to tell me you'll do some house project so we don't have to waste money on hiring it out but then not do it? Yeah I will inform you how childish and irresponsible that type of behavior. I'm not going to play nice about bullshit like that. Point blank, if you want to be with me, you will treat me the way I want.

We've been married over ten years, together for 15, and I've basically turned him into the husband and father I wanted for myself and my children. Don't take crap, ladies. You're better than that.[/quote]

I just found this thread and got to your post at the top of Page 8 and had to agree!

My marriage is only four years old, but this is what I did.

I should not have to tell you when the garbage is full and needs to be taken out.
You should pick up toilet paper when you notice we are low without being told.
The grocery list is on the fridge, do not call me from the store asking what we need. If you forgot the list, guess, just like you would if you were single.

Sometimes I had to lay down the law and sometimes I could raise and resolve the issue jokingly, but no way in hell was I just going to acquiesce to DH deciding he could abdicate all adult responsibilities once he had me.

Our marriage has been strong from the beginning, I suppose since we lived together and fought those battles prior to marriage, and there is no need to be apathetic or detached because we don't criticize each other. We are equal and loving partners in making our lives into what we want.
[/quote]

I would be inclined to cut a partner some more slack than that (and expect the same in return), but other than that, you and the other PP are my new heroes. This is what I aspire to in my next relationship. It's about knowing you have other good options (including being single), and the other person knowing that you know you have other good options and are willing to exercise them, and not daring to call your bluff.

As negotiation expert William Ury writes: "The purpose of negotiation is to explore whether you can satisfy your interests better through an agreement than you could by pursuing your Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA). Your BATNA is your walkaway alternative. It's your best course of action for satisfying your interests without the other's agrement. ... Your power depends ... on how good your BATNA is. If you have a viable alternative, then you have power in the negotiation."[/quote]

Trust me when I say I cut him a lot of slack for a long time! :lol:

I think most women do! And lo, most men will seize upon that opportunity to revert to their laziest possible manifestation. Even good men like my husband! I also come from a background of teaching where you start out with the strictest expectations and then ease up as appropriate because if you don't, the kids will walk all over you. So that probably (definitely) affected how I dealt with it...when I finally did! It's always easier to do more for him later than to revisit the fact that you've ended up with 98% of the household chores.

And that is an excellent quote from an excellent source - and you've touched on something DH and I have said since we met: one of the reasons we are so excellent together is that we were both happily single for several years before dating. If I hadn't improved his life, and vice versa, we wouldn't have stayed together. I strongly encourage people in their 20s (or early 30s if someone's just gotten out of a LT relationship) to really enjoy being single. Enjoy that your time is your own, enjoy the feeling of self-sufficiency when you build that desk yourself, try new social activities. Then you'll never end up with someone who expects superhuman things from you, because your life is better without a bad relationship.[/quote]

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