Reply to Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If your husband is badgering you for sex, and you don't really feel like, but you agree, that's consent. That's 100% not rape. Stop using rape to describe not rape.[/quote]

You seem pretty invested in labeling it "not rape." So, fine, if a man is coercing, badgering, and Not Raping (tm) his wife in a way that causes her to "consent" (wink, wink) and inflicts sexual trauma, are we cool with that? [/quote]

PP. here.

It is disappointing how feminists speak of empowerment, and equality, even as they readily abdicate their own agency in making decisions to men.

Not being content with misappropriating the word "rape," you've now moved to second best with "coercing." I guess this is when he says that you hurt his feelings because you won't sleep with him? Is it "rapey" when he gives you the silent treatment? Are you not in control of your own body? You so badly want men to be responsible for what is ultimately your decision that you will use any inflammatory and loaded language as a weapon to so long as it suits your agenda.[/quote]

Well, this feminist agrees with you. But I was born in the 60s, so perhaps a different kind of feminist than the PP above.[/quote]

The crux of this is when the request for sex is "badgering." If it's "badgering," then it's coercive. If you ask for sex once or state your desire to have sex once, that's not coercive. It's an expression of desire. If the other person shares the desire, great! If the person doesn't share the desire, no big deal. Ask a second time, a little later, you're still in pretty much the same territory. Do it enough times that it constitutes badgering, and you are no longer attempting to communicate your desire or ask for information about the other person's desire. Your repeated requests are an attempt to pressure the person into having sex even though you know that the person has no desire to do so. You are now a shitty person. [/quote]

Oh for Christ's sake. My kids badger me sometimes, too. If I (a) continue to put up with it and/or (b) give in to it, that's on me, not them.

Is someone who continues to badger you for sex a shitty person? Sure, alright, let's say he is. Is it a crime to be a shitty person? No, it's not.

I think there is a big difference between "pressure" and "coercion." (Though I do know it is difficult to draw a bright line here.) "Pressure" might be your garden variety date badgering you for sex, pleading, whining, begging, on and on. There is no attempt to keep you there against your will. He has no hold on you. He is not your boss, he is not your only means of support, he has not taken you someplace where you have no idea where you are or how to get home, you are not fearful that he will hurt you. But for whatever reason, you give in. Sorry, nothing is going to convince me that that is rape. And frankly, it frightens me that people think women shouldn't be expected to stand up and say, "Enough!" and walk out in this situation. [/quote]

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