Reply to DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Look, I know teens have sex. But I am ASTONISHED at how many of you value good grades over protecting one's body and heart. WTF!

No matter how mature a teen seems, heartbreaks happens and when sex is involved it's an even more complicated relationship. That nice boy who was so considerate begins to dog the girl out, make her the villain and everyone at school think she's a slut. Or, she's so heartbroken that her grades suffer and, as a result, her academic future. Then there's the possibility of an accidental pregnancy and the angst that comes with abortion/adoption/raising a child. These scenarios are FAR more likely than this becoming some life long lasting relationship.

My oldest two children are girls (19 & 15). They are both virgins. It is not through some special feat of my own (I was a teen parent), it is just how my girls are. In fact, they might skew too far the other way! While I don't like it, they are VERY judgmental of girls who have sex.  My 15 year old has stopped talking to friends when she finds out they are sexually active. I have open discussions with my children about sex, birth control, etc and they both take the "my body is special, I'm not giving it to some random" approach. While things could change, I am embracing this mindset in both of them.

BTW, opposite sex friends are NOT allowed in the bedroom. Period. Teen "couples" aren't allowed privacy in my home. And I hope I have raised my children well enough to not be so absolutely disrespectful to have sex in my home and have their boyfriend come and go as he pleases! [/quote]

I really can't speak for any other PPs but I don't think its accurate to say that parents value grades over "protecting one's body and heart".  However, I think its naïve to think you can actually protect your child from heartbreak.  It happens whether its at 16 or 18 and certainly it is more complicated when sex is involved.  I've accepted the reality that if my kids choose to have sex, there isn't much I can do to prevent it.  My kids are 16 and 14, both are still virgins.  But my 16 yo son has a girlfriend, he has a car, a job, and hours of unsupervised time.  For example, he worked 8am to 1pm on Saturday and Sunday.  If he and his girlfriend wanted to have sex, they easily could have arranged it Saturday after he got off work.

I will take issue with how your girls are VERY judgmental of "friends" who are sexually active.  They sound very resentful and angry at their "friend's" personal choices- budding little DCUMers.  You say that you don't like it- what have you done to help modify those beliefs and actions?  Do you really want them to be VERY judgmental of people whose personal choices differ from theirs?  It sounds like your efforts to "protect their body and heart" has placed their virginity over their ability to be accepting of different values and developing true friendships.  Its a pretty myopic view of the world in order to postpone sex a year or two.  Just my $.02.  [/quote]

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