Reply to Tension with Wife's Family over Finances

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP's problem he is actually broke. He thinks about all his in terms of his family's money because he doesn't have any of his own money that he can decide how he wants to spend. He's basically a trust fund brat.[/quote]

I think you have it backwards. She's broke. She doesn't have a job, and owes debt to her father. He has a job and didn't say he has debt. [/quote]

OP said it himself that he feels like his extended family is subsidizing, because he doesn't have enough of his own money. Imagine being an adult and fretting about a dinner out because you don't have your own money.[/quote]

I believe he said his family was subsidizing because they put him through undergraduate and medical school debt free, bought him a house, and he's already received some inheritance.  He has money. No debt. He's believes paying his share of a vacation or meal with his in-laws, using his salary, is using money he has only because his parents have contributed so much.  He could be the one with huge educational debt instead of his wife, but for the fact his parents paid for him. He can only afford to go on these vacations because he doesn't have to pay student loans ( or mortgage?) out of his salary.

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That's how money works. When you use it for one thing you have less for another. If he doesn't want to go on vacation then he can just say no but he's so used to having all his bills paid by parents it's uncomfortable to have to open that wallet once in awhile.[/quote]

I agree OP doesn't have to do these things. OP says wife feels caught in the middle. My best guess is OP resents paying for these vacations rather than saving the money to pay it forward. But that's just a guess.

Completely agree with PP calling out different value systems between families. [/quote]

Right. PP doesn't get it. Both families have wildly different priorities. He doesn't want to use the money so he can pass it down. [/quote]

If that were the case, he would just decline to go on the vacation. Clearly he wants to go, he just doesn’t want to pay. It’s not enough to have hand outs from his own family, he wants them from his ILs too. [/quote]

He said he was guilt-tripped if they didn't go. Reread the OP.

I'm sure these post would be so different if it was a woman. [/quote]

So what if they were guilt tripped? Good grief grow a spine. [/quote]

He has never had to develop a spine because he has had everything handed to him and hasn’t had to work hard for it. 
[/quote]

Yeah, I’m sure his parents paid for a body double to get go to medical school for him. And, now some poor slave is working for his paycheck while he sits on the couch and eats bon bons! What an @ss! [/quote]

Who worked for the money that paid for his education and his start in life? He did not. I’m sure he studied hard and spends time working as a doctor, but that is not the same as engaging in labor to pay for every single thing you have.

The FIL built his own business from the ground up, with no parental handouts. OP did not have to work for the money that paid for college and med school, and he’s not sure he’d ever be capable of that kind of work. Backbones are built by dealing with pressure and stress, not by having tuition money paid by mommy and daddy writing a check. 
[/quote]

YES that is the point! OP WANTS this for his own children. How are ya’ll this stupid?! He LITERALLY says this in his OP. If he doesn’t have “a backbone” now, he will when his kid is in the same position as he is now, since you’re saying it was his parents who worked to fund him.

Say all you want about OP, but this is the dumbest angle/argument wrt his FIL! [/quote]

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