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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here one last time, then signing off - we have decided we are not going.  We will send something around $200 from the registry.  If our son had been included, we would have given a check for several thousand.  I don't plan on going no contact, but I am wondering if giving a gift significantly less generous than what is probably expected of me will create problems, anyhow.

Also, for all those talking about how I wasn't that generous - it was 15k over about10 years, not 15 years, and 12k of it was over a two-year period for college.[/quote]

At least one of us is talking about generosity of spirit. Instead of sending a $200 gift with genuine joy and best wishes, you’re planning to send it with spite.  I hope your son isn’t aware of all of these machinations in the background— purportedly on his behalf. [/quote]
I don’t think it’s spite. OP is genuinely hurt that this nephew to whom she has felt close is excluding her son. Money reflects lots of different things, OP indicated she was willing to provide for her nephew because of their relationship. Nephew is now telling OP that he really doesn’t value the relationship. I think she’s making the right call in declining and sending something from the registry but not going all out. Going NC would be too much, but I think what she’s doing is totally valid. Hopefully nephew will behave better in the future.[/quote]

The nephew isn't telling the OP anything. Most likely the bride's family has decided on the age limit, and isn't gearing it to cousins of the groom, who she's probably never met.[/quote]

This. Nephew's family has no money, so most likely the bride's family is paying for the wedding and deciding. A lot of men are really not that involved even if they pay, they literally don't care. The bride's family did the calculations on who they can accommodate, maybe lots of kids on their side, and decided that 16+ was reasonable. The fact that the OP makes this about herself and her son is ridiculous. Even if her son was invited, he'd not interact with cousins as he's 9 (an elementary schooler!) and the cousins are 16+. [/quote]
In my family the cousins would definitely interact. Not all families are the same.[/quote]

Right. So how do you interact when you're 16+ and the cousin is a child, a 9-year old? Tell me like I'm 5. You'd exchange a few words and then go your own way. You don't seem to have teens nor 9-year olds. [/quote]Now you're just revealing you don't really have kids. I bet you're estranged from your family.[/quote]

Answer the question. If you had kids this age you know the 9 yr old is going to get a fist bump and that’s about it. He’s not one of the guys.[/quote]

DP.  Obviously no two relationships are the same so the way you are being insistent about this is quite strange.  I have a 7yo and a 10yo.  SIL's kids are 19 and 22 and live elsewhere.  Both are lovely, mature kids AND at the same time their relationship with my kids is different.  19yo we see during whole family visits and Facetime on holidays.  22yo nephew has a much more active relationship with my kids, especially 10yo DS- more regular Facetime calls/texts, he's come to visit us on his own at his own initiation.  He really reishes the big-cousin-mentor role.  Neither are close to getting married but when the time comes I'm 99% positive my kids, as well as his younger cousins on BIL's side of the family, will be included.  They don't have a big family to begin with and weddings are family affairs.

OP's nephew and bride are perfectly within their right to not have kids at their wedding and I get the vibe that it is OP that is close to the cousin, not her son.  But the insistence that it's impossible for cousins with age gaps to have a relationship shows some ignorance.[/quote]

He relishes the role? Hope they don’t spend a lot of time alone together.[/quote]

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