Reply to Extreme resentment over mental load

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I get it OP. We got an email about the "class gift" for one of my kids teachers earlier this week and they haven't sent the money yet because last week I did the money for the PTA fund, the money for the fund to give bonuses to specials teachers, I write thank you cards for each of my kids' EC coaches, and I ordered photo books for both sets of grandparents featuring highlights from their visits with our kids this year.

DH also got the class gift email. He also has Venmo.

If I asked him to do it, he would. He'd also be bewildered -- why ask when it's just a minute in my phone to do it? But it's not really about this one task. So instead i'm sitting on it and feeling resentful, and in the back of my head I'm thinking how the class mom is likely annoyed at me and others who haven't contributed yet, and that's fair because she's going above and beyond in organizing, and yet no one is annoyed with my husband. Except me.

The difference in expectations for moms and dads is vast.[/quote]

Self imposed expectations seem to be at least part of the issue in a lot of these situations.

Just relax, take a deep breath.

[b]None of the stuff you mentioned is critical.[/b] If you are doing things like writing thank you cards and making photo albums it should be done out of love.  If you don’t love doing it, if it makes u cranky then just stop.  I haven’t written thank you notes to any of my kids coaches and it seems fine. 
[/quote]

Depends on what your standards are and how you grew up.

If you grew up in an UMC household with educated and successful parents then yes, you do things like buy teachers a Christmas gift, put up a tree, presents in stockings etc. That is the bare minimum. There is a laundry list of things successful adults in America do that aren’t really critical. Like investing in a 529, annual skin checks, proper clothing for kids, annual ski and beach vacations, etc.  I am sure people living in trailer parks aren’t worried about a teacher gift and don’t have 529 accounts.

If your husband also grew up this way then he too expects these things. The problem is that women are expected to work and held to a similar standard financially, but are also expected to do all of the things necessary to maintain a household and live an UMC life.

[/quote]

lol you are so disrespectful it’s insane you are on here talking about standards.  Apparently your family taught you about thank you notes but obviously not about respecting others (even those in trailer parks who can’t do annual ski vacations). Gross. Its so crazy people think they are the example of success but they lack the most elements of respect.  Oh well, that’s rich folks for ya. [/quote]

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