Reply to Parents getting upset about any group invitation

Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

Reply to "Parents getting upset about any group invitation "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Obviously you are not going to coordinate 110 families - only coordinate with the boys then. You can ask once, then make a group chat with any takers. That will winnow it down naturally to a manageable number and no one can rightfully get bent out of shape later. I know some people don’t like grade chats but I find them helpful for this kind of stuff, sharing intel on camps, doctors, blah blah. The bottom line IMO is that you can choose either to be more welcoming or deal with the blowback of being the leader of a clique. But I’m not feeling too sorry for your plight if all you want to do about is come here and complain.

With great power comes great responsibility OP. [/quote]

Great power? I am talking about dropping into a gym class that’s advertised to everyone. I find the reaction entitled. She could also initiate too. If you’re going to complain about not getting invited to something, make an effort yourself to show up or say thank you for the invite to prior attempts. [/quote]

Yes but there is a reason you did not send your casual text to HER when you made the effort to text 4-5 others…and she is picking up on the exclusionary piece of that.
Yes she could have initiated, but she didn’t. YOU did initiate—but your outreach to specifically coordinate and co firm attendance at the drop-in thing did not include her and was obvious that a coordinated attendance was agreeed upon and orchestrated without her.

No—she is not “entitled” to be included but it is hurtful to NOT be included if she is supposed to be considered a friend. And the issue is probably that you don’t really consider her to be a friend….but you also aren’t particularly seeking to anger her. You just don’t enjoy her and that’s fine. But you can’t both exclude her AND make her feel okay about that, OP.
That’s gaslighting.
You don’t really like her but you include her because she’s around and you don’t want to look like a mean girl mom.
But even your tactics of inclusion are “mean girl” if I’m being honest. 
As another poster pointed out—she doesn’t want to be an “add on” afterthought but that’s exactly how you treat her when you say “a group of us are getting ice cream—you should come” or “some of us are going to the park, would you like to join?”
On the surface that may feel inclusive to you and you may even think you are being so gracious to extend your circle to invite her….but OP, that only conveys that initial plans have been made and agreed upon within a smaller group that she is NOT included in and then after the plan was set, you loop her in (whether or not the time or activity works for her schedule is not a consideration—as she is clearly not part of the “A” list group.)—-but aren’t you a sweetheart for inviting her? Why isn’t she showing any interest??  :roll: 
I just want you to acknowledge that to you, the issue is her ingratitude and entitlement.
But to her—the issue is that this group of moms is pretending to like her and include her, but in reality they don’t do either and she is hurt.[/quote]

Wow! NP here.

I am the mom who was often excluded.  But, I made sure that I did not dwell on the hurt (I had to work on it) because I did not want to give that much power to anyone.  First, it is immense entitlement to think that people owe it to you to be inclusive in a welcoming manner.  They can choose to invite or not invite you. They can choose to invite you just so that they don't look like a mean girl.  BUT in the end, they don't owe you anything.

Another thing is that the hurt mom is boorish if she makes it uncomfortable for others or does a prolonged sulk.  Move on.  Be polite and warm on the surface.  Find your own people.  Initiate and organize yourself etc.  You do not need to be making others uncomfortable in retaliation. If you did not like the non-inclusive behavior in others, why are you indulging in the same? Be an adult and move on.

The best revenge is living a good life, making friends, being social and not giving it one thought more.   [/quote]

Likewise, nobody owes it to the exclusive moms to look the other way or pretend not to hear about the parties they are discussing in front of everyone. They coast along not caring or realizing they are being incredibly rude, depending on the good manners of others, until someone like OP's nemesis doesn't hold back. And OP can't handle it. Karma. It's funny to the rest of us who bite our tongue and don't respond in kind to this kind of oblivious rudeness and exclusion.[/quote]

No, but we do owe it to our kids to teach them strong social skills. In order to do that we need to develop our own social skills. I say this as someone whose mother was difficult and lonely.[/quote]

And one of those social skills is being considerate of others.  [/quote]

Ok, Mom. I’ll figure out how to make friends in this inconsiderate world all by myself. I know you tried your best. Bye.[/quote]

If you're still hanging out with the same friends you had as a teen ager, you don't have as finely tuned social skills as you think you do. What would you do if you had to move for work? Have you ever considered what it might be like for someone new to the neighborhood? You have a stunning lack of empathy so I would guess not.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics