Reply to BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Help me out here.
My BIL (husband's brother) got engaged a couple of years ago. He and his fiancee live in Australia and this will be second wedding for each. When they got engaged we thought their wedding would follow soon after - they are in their 50s, own their own home, no kids, financially comfortable, so no need to "save up" for the big event. When we visited shortly after she was excitedly showing me the cathedral (yes, really) where she wanted to be married. We were very happy for them, especially as BIL has struggled to settle with anyone long-term.

Fast-forward two years and still no sign of a wedding.

I'm celebrating a big birthday this year, and DH and I booked a small but lavish party for our dearest friends (venue, band, catering etc). As one of my children suddenly got a posting order overseas over that date and wouldn't be able to make the party, we booked a really good restaurant for the following weekend when he's briefly home, just for me, husband, all our children and my brother (my only living close relation). All this was booked, invitations sent etc four months ago.

BIL called my husband at the weekend "Guess what, we're getting married!" In four weeks' time. Right in the midweek between both my birthday celebrations (not in the cathedral, btw). My husband explained that because of short notice, booked commitments, distance to travel etc, we would sadly not be able to attend.

His side of the family are now ganging up on him. His other brother is going - but he had already arranged to visit with his kids anyway, which is maybe what spurred the Australia brother to accelerate wedding plans. My father in law lives in a care home (not far from us, so we see him regularly) and not able to attend. But my BIL has obviously been in contact with him as FIL is expressing his disappointment in my husband that we're not going.

Time and again my husband has told them that we had already made plans over that period for my birthday but he's hearing "People are coming from all over the world for this - they dropped their plans to be with us."

For my part, I find it disrespectful that they are urging him to abandon the plans we made for my birthday in favour of an event that appeared at such short notice. Part of me feels it might be gracious to drop the family dinner the weekend after the party, but it's so rare that we're all able to be together, and that date is closest to my birthday anyway. My husband could just about get out to his brother's wedding and back again for the family meal - but he'll be shattered by the travel.

Whatever we do, or don't do, will upset someone. What would you do?

[/quote]

Keep original plans.  BIL and relatives are being ridiculous.[/quote]

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