Reply to "The Dating Cultural Norm That's Making Everyone Unhappy"

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Reply to ""The Dating Cultural Norm That's Making Everyone Unhappy""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is all very evident in the dating market.

Attractive, successful men can sleep around and decide to commit or not whenever they want. The apps make it easy for a select few of us.[/quote]

Just don’t decide too long. As a mid 40s attractive woman, I’ve met too many of these elderly 60+ “players”. They are funny in their ego centric world trying to land a 15-20 years younger independently wealthy heiress who would travel with them while he’s throwing her his stick and some money, 
No thank you - I would rather travel on my own or be an equal partner to someone my age. [/quote]

I'm 47 now and just spent the weekend with a woman in her late 20s who complains about the men her age (but eventually does want to get married and have children with a husband closer to her age). This has been my life for the past seven years post divorce. As soon as it starts to slow down (I think I have another two years max), I think it will be just as easy to meet someone closer to my age.[/quote]

A late 20s woman should be dating for marriage mid 30s men, not "spending weekends" with divorced dudes 20+ years older. I was that beautiful 20s woman 20 years ago. The only girls who dated that much older were not attractive. Being younger doesn't make anyone more attactive

Also, what men like you don't understand is that by jumping brunches chasing bodies in superficial relationships you waste time and ability to build a deep connection. You actually regress into your own 20s mentality and become a shallow, unattractive partner for someone your age. The things I look at in my potential mate in my 40s are totally different from what I was into in my 20s. [b]Older women with experience are way more demanding[/b] and thus prefer to stay single over dating someone immature, like you.[/quote]

Ding, ding, ding – one of you finally gets this.

DP.  Now ask yourself whether “demanding” is an attractive trait to men in their 40s (or any other age).  You’re so close to understanding why you’re really single, sweetie![/quote]
The “sweetie” is just so unnecessary, PP.

I’m not the PP you were referring to- but I think you have this backwards. I know exactly why I’m single, it’s because yes! I’m lucky enough to be demanding. I have everything I need - I have a happy healthy life, financial security, great kids.. Why would I not be demanding in my standards for others? mine are not financial but require attractiveness, high energy, and lifestyle/hobby compatibility.

I think it’s snide to use “single” as a diss- after my disaster of an exH I think of single as a hard earned badge of honor, I earned my peace and can value it - by both respecting men and being very selective.

Woman, 49[/quote]

Even if you can "afford" to be demanding, it's still going to limit your pool and turn off many men.  You indicate you want a partner, but your approach makes it much less likely that you will succeed.  That's the crux of the situation described in this article: women have an unrealistic expectation of what they should expect in a partner.  If you have money and kids already, maybe in your case, you really will be happier with a vibrator and trips with friends than partnering with someone you view as subpar.  But for the millions of women who would actually benefit from, and want, a relationship, the unwillingness to accept reality is a disaster.[/quote]

Disaster for whom? Just the women? I don’t think so because on the flip side, there’s millions of men who are deemed subpar and end up alone too. They’re not all going to get mail order brides as a solution because that leads to problems.

This stalemate is most disastrous for society as a whole and will lead to plummeting birth rates and population collapse. Using scare tactics on women (“you’ll end up alone! You’re going to be a childless cat lady!”) isn’t persuading anyone.[/quote]

PP you quoted.  I agree!  It's a disaster for men and society as well, not just the women.

I guess the issue is that women are driving this stalemate, not men.  They are the ones that are basically choosing to remain single unless they can get a man that is out of their league.  You could flip it around and say that maybe men need to be better or more feminist or what have you, but men are not going to overnight acquire more college degrees, double their incomes, or become more attractive (though they could and should work out more and eat better).  But women *could* overnight accept that they cannot find someone who checks all their boxes and be willing to entertain someone who checks 70% of their boxes.[/quote]

Eating better and exercising in your 40-50s does wonders. I would take a fit dude making $200k over an overweight law partner making $2mm. Because in my 40s I value quality of life and don’t want to become his nurse when I’m 60. 
It’s the hardest part for 90% Americans. The attraction laws are the same for men and women. Single women do a better job taking care of their health [/quote]

All the fat lawyers and bankers are now on injectables so aren’t so obese any longer. 
No muscle tone though. 
No hobbies or interests. Just work addicts still who throw money at their kids and dates.  [/quote]

Yea, I’ve met many of those! It’s surprisingly amazing  how uninteresting are many top earners. These are people who only did one thing whole life: making money. Many are also drinkers/on drugs (particular NYC finance). [/quote]

I’ve met more who aren’t on drugs nor are alcoholics. Rather they are self-centered, one trick ponies: got top grades, then work too much. 
A few confessed they are aspergers. So that explains a lot and that nothing will be changing.
So those are less about money or drugs, more about ego and hyperfocused on work and that image.

But agree, if yours going to lose 50 pounds in a few months start lifting weights daily! Yuck. Flab and dripping skin. Yuck. [/quote]

A lot of the billionaires seem weird AF. Politics aside, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, and Bill Gates all seem a little off.[/quote]

They all have mommies or wifeys or staff to do everything for them so they can work 24/7

That’s it.

They look “successful” at work, since that’s all they do or think about, but their home and rest of their life is chaos and nothing. Women prop them up for too, too long. [/quote]

True but those women do get billions in return, way more than they could've made in a quarter century at any lucrative career.[/quote]

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