Reply to Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a reason for why one spouse chose not to work or works from home/at a flexible part time job? Or is this an acceptable turn of phrase? [/quote]

It's an absolutely valid statement. Many of my friends didn't want their children to be raised by strangers, some had the privilege to do it themselves or get family to support while others had to send them to daycare or leave them with nannies.[/quote]

It might be shocking to the SAHP crew,  but have you ever considered it’s actually developmentally superior for a few hours of the day for the child not to be attached to the parent at the hip?[/quote]

SAH doesn't mean the kid is attached at the hip, just like going to child care doesn't mean neglect.[/quote]

I agree, [b]which is why I don't think SAHP spend that much 1-1 time with kids, definitely not more than working parents[/b].[/quote]

Of course SAHPs spend more 1-1 time with their kids than working parents. How would someone who isn't with their kids 40+ hours a week spend the same amount of time with their kids as someone who is staying home with their kids and not working?[/quote]

Because of those 40 hours 20 are sleeping, of the other 5 are with the dad who does morning routine. So that is 15 hours a week, 3 hours a day .

NBD.

[/quote]

Hmmm. This is fascinating math.

1st: morning routine doesn't count to the 40 hours does it? If dad is getting kids up and dressed and breakfasted before he goes and works a 40 hour work week that doesn't come out of the SAHP's time with the kids does it? It comes out of the rest of the time (which is important to remember -- SAHPs aren't nannies an don't just show up on the doorstep at 8am. We'll come back to that.)

2nd: only babies sleep that much. And that's assuming you only have babies and that your kids all have the same sleep schedule. Surprise! Kids are always getting older and they NEVER have the exact same sleep schedule.

3rd: SAHPs don't work a 40 hour work week. No workers rights for unpaid parents remember? No overtime either. When I was a SAHP my DH left for work at 6:30am and came home at 6pm. That's -- count 'em -- 11.5 hours a day or 57.5 hours a week.

4th: SAHPs don't stop working when their partners get home. Their partner worked all day too. So just like working parents they keep parenting even in the evening and on the weekend. In fact SAHPs generally do the vast majority of childcare even when their partners are home because it is more efficient for them to do so. If a SAHP wants to "share the load" outside of their normal working hours then you have to be extremely intentional about it because you are the default parent and will be taking the lead on all the parenting that happens after hours especially the hard stuff like potty training and sleep issues and picky eating.

The idea that SAHPs spend 15 hours a week with their children is stupid. Even I -- someone brainless enough to enjoy caring for children all day and do so on purpose -- have the math and logic skills to see that.[/quote]

1st we are talking about a child spending time with a PARENT and you don’t count your child’s father as a PARENT.

I’m sure if we count the hours each of us are with our kids it will double what you and your H spend with your kids since you don’t even count your H as a parent

2nd they are either an taking 2 naps or in preschool no matter the parents status so the hours work out to be the same.

3rd: I’m sorry your H chose a career that needed such long hours and was an absent parent, that so sad. It probably to pick up your slack. My H and I didn’t need to do that since we are both parents.

4th: that’s a very sad pathetic story. My H and I both can equally parent and we did it together so my kid had the benefit of 2 completely involved parents. You might want to rethink your parenting model.

I can’t imagine your kids are never not attached to your hip so yes our hours with our kids are pretty close to equal and if you count my H’s vs your H’s hours we lap you.[/quote]

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