Reply to How to get through to DH that doing 80% doesn't count?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t get why it’s so bad to help with the laundry. It’s not like you don’t know that he’s going to leave the clean laundry in a pile. You “watched” the laundry pile up all day without offering to help?  WTF?  It appears to be some sort of bean counting, and that’s never good for a marriage. Ask yourself “how important is it to ask your spouse to do a task they hate and cause tension in your marriage over it?”  It’s laundry. This isn’t important. Just work as a team. Or you could nag and be miserable, but that doesn’t seem to be working for you.  [/quote]

Serious question (and I’m not OP)
What do I do when we’ve already had this conversation?  Multiple times?  And he’s good about it for about a month, then slips back to previous behavior? And we’ve been married for close to 20 years?  Am I the one who’s just supposed to suck it up ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of the time?  How does resentment not build?[/quote]

Accept your spouse, with all their warts and limitations. Look at your spouse with empathy. If you know they are struggling, then help. Be a team. Find the good in the initiative to start a task and know that 3/4 of the way done if better then none.

Unclench control and perfectionism. Seriously. It’s laundry. [/quote]

I dont know.  Where is the line between “accepting” and “enabling?”

I mean, I’m assuming that if I died, DH would figure out how to do the laundry.  It’s not like he’s incapable.  By finishing these tasks without complaint, am I “accepting his limitations,” or am I enabling and encouraging maladaptive behavior? [/quote]

Sorry I missed the part about what he does when you don’t “accept his limitations” and then he rages at you.

What happens next? [/quote]

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