Reply to Husband wants to move out of DMV but my job is here

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[quote=Anonymous]I found this post and read through the entire thread. It resonates with me, and I find myself in a very similar situation. I am not in DC but another VHCOL area.

I spent the last decade moving for husband's military career. I am in STEM field. I started over jobs many times in the last decade and had many toxic, misogynist workplaces. My DH is out of the military now and we live near my hometown (I am so happy here). I am in a low stress, high grade, secure federal job I love. It truly is a unicorn, and everyone tells me that. Very hard to come by in my agency. I genuinely love my job and find a lot of purpose in it. I only have to go to office once per pay period so I have a ton of flexibility.

My husband works in a field where he gone 50%+ of the month (aviation). We have three young children that I am obviously the primary parent for by virtue of my husband's career.  My job allows me the flexibility I need to work around their schedules. I love where we live because there is SO much to do when I am solo parenting kids on the weekends. I truly have a great balance of being a mother and still pursing what I love.

What's the issue? Well, my husband hates the state we live in. My office is in the city, but we live in a suburb with more "nature" (lots of hiking trails) and space. (I would prefer city life myself). I commute ~1.5-2 hrs each way when I need to go to the office. I don't mind the commute. But my DH is stubborn and can't get past his hatred for the state and constantly is putting pressure on me to move. He is "miserable" here he tells me.

While of course I want my DH to be happy where he lives, I don't know what compromise looks likes here. Is it selfish of me to not want to move (again)?[/quote]

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