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[quote=Anonymous]Everyone's had therapy and there are no deep family secrets, but there are some pretty painful parts of our family history, mostly having to do with alcoholism and poverty.  My grandfather was a promising young lawyer who became a drunk and brought home assholes from the bar who molested his daughters, sometimes in the same room (without his awareness).

I was saddened by the PP who is lying to her daughter about her paternity.  My parents did the same thing, with the same good intentions, and it backfired very, very badly.  I found out as a young teenager and it was every bit as catastrophic as you fear, because my parents didn't handle it well.  They told me what they wanted me to believe (I'm your real father, I've always been here for you, I love you, he's not a good guy) and then, essentially, shut me down.  I had so many questions and felt forbidden to ask.  I had been the top student in my class but became an underachiever overnight and was depressed for more than ten years.  Amazingly, my parents never seemed to see the connection.

I'm not going to say you have to tell your daughter now, but if you ever even begin to suspect she may know, you get into therapy with her and you gut it out until all of her questions are answered and she trusts you again.  Don't fuck around with this - this is a potentially very destructive choice you've made, and you MUST take full responsibility.   This may turn out not to be such a big deal for her, but you don't get to decide how she feels or "should" feel.

Children deserve the truth about their origins and it is  essential that they know there is no shame in how they came to be.  Secrets/taboos = shame.  [/quote]

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