Reply to DW doesn’t understand how a sexless marriage effects me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, once she hits 30 days without cooperating in sex, she’s de facto opened the relationship. [/quote]

Agree 100% you have our permission now go out and get laid! She wants to be your room mate treat her as such.[/quote]
ultimatums really don't work. I guess you are both ok with divorcing.[/quote]

Know what else doesn’t work? Status quo sexless marriage. Why would they divorce?!? She’s perfectly content and once he’s found a girlfriend or 2 on the side their marriage will be perfect. Another sexless marriage saved by outsourcing.[/quote]

Famous last words, right before you get served with divorce papers. [/quote]
Mature adults who take marriage seriously do not divorce over trivial unimportant things. His wife says sex is not important: so no big deal when he does that unimportant thing with other women.[/quote]

He doesn’t want his daughter to see him as a gross cheater. So he has to…not cheat. Can’t get everything you want all the time. [/quote]

His wife has opted out of the sex part of marriage which means "cheating" no longer exists. What kind of sick family are you in where your kids know details about your sex life (or lack thereof)?!?[/quote]

When they divorce because OP cheats, his daughter will find out he cheated. His OP says he doesn’t want his daughter to see him like that, so that option is unavailable to him.

…and no, his daughter will not care about his sad sad sex life when he wrecks her childhood home.[/quote]

OP doesn’t need to divorce if he cheats. Many families turn a blind eye. It would certainly be an expectation for a wife who doesn’t want to have sex anymore. Outsource and have a pleasant life.[/quote]

To deal with his sex issue he needs to make himself someone his wife finds sexually desirable. Most people who come here to complain don’t want to put in that work. [/quote]

This feels like blame shifting. Some of us have this sort of situation and we’re already putting in much more work than our spouses and still being denied. It may truly not be possibly to do make oneself sexually desirable to him or her. Making it sound like we’re just not trying hard enough comes across as insensitive and dismissive. [/quote]

It may seem insensitive and dismissive, but whenever someone is asked what they do to ensure their spouse can participate in a fulfilling sex life, we hear all about how he can’t possibly have been expected to help with babies so she could get pelvic floor PT, or how he’s not interested in making time in their schedule for vacations with childcare or time for her to have to herself. Basically it tends to come down to “nothing” when asked what they’re doing to make themselves a desirable partner.

But sure, let’s hear what OP is putting into making their marriage a place for his wife to have a happy and fulfilling sex life other than just showing up. [/quote]

That’s because everyone on this site is the partner who is trying harder and cares more.   
So the men on this site can’t imagine a woman who does everything and vice versa.

We frame it as a man/woman thing, but it’s really a pursuer distancer thing, and we are all pursuers. [/quote]

This is a good point. The person who wants the relationship least has the most power. [/quote]

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