Reply to Would you confront your husband/wife's Emotional Affair lover?

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Reply to "Would you confront your husband/wife's Emotional Affair lover?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you contact the other woman you may find out there is nothing wrong going on.

A DW once contacted me.  She had rushed to too many conclusions and obviously had some insecurities about her marriage.  I told her there was no way her husband was interested in me other than working with me on a professional level and that nothing, absolutely nothing, inappropriate was going on.  I also told her if she did not want me having lunch with him (even though there were other co-workers around) I would respect her wishes.[/quote]

In my case, I don't think they ever crossed a line. Weren't physical, didn't talk about feelings, etc. But I could tell, could feel, he had feelings for her. I knew he felt they had a strong connection and he began to see all my flaws. It was a really hard thing to experience. We were having hard times but I thought he was strong enough to face them with me and work through it, not fall for some random coworker who was going through the worst time in your life and was a mess.
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So what was the resolution/outcome?[/quote]

They are no longer in communication (they are in the same niche industry, so some run ins are inevitable, but he tells me about those now. They aren't talking and texting all the time). Once they ended the friendship, it took him a while to get out of the "affair fog." He admitted that they were in a bubble together, only seeing the best sides of each other, vs. us having to  worry about kids and the running of a household and being married etc. We are working on things and making progress. [/quote]

So how did you work through it?  Did you go to counseling?  Did he admit or realize he was having an emotional affair? How did he leave the "fog" of being enamored?[/quote]

Yes, he admitted it. It took a while as he thought an affair had to have an intention behind it. Yes, counseling helped him see that, and me really pushing the issue and not letting him off the hook. How did he leave the fog...time and distance. Us getting closer and connecting. While he was in the fog with her he was going through the worst time in his life, personally and professionally. As we worked on things to make our marriage stronger, his personal life got better. With time he has progressed professionally as well (was going through a rough time at work but found a new position; a lateral move but much better day-to-day). An emotional affair is mainly a relationship in a bubble, an escape from reality, and he needed that escape less and less once he came to terms with reality (instead of numbing/avoiding) and faced it. Only then could he/we make changes. And once we faced our marriage problems, he didn't need to talk about them with her, he talked about them with me, and our therapist. [/quote]

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