Reply to When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother and her aunt were sexually abused by a family member when they were young.  When they started seeking therapy as adults and chose to name their abuser, I was shocked by how many people in the family were FURIOUS with them for airing dirty laundry, not thinking about how it would impact others, not just getting over it, etc.

Abusers and dysfunctional people are fine with continuing the cycle of shame, secret keeping, denial, and gaslighting.  It’s what they know, it’s what they are comfortable with.  People who were raised this way will continue is the cycle.

[b]The kids can’t be protected from something that already occurred.[/b]  The cheating already took place.  Their lives have been massively altered.  The damage already happened.  Stop blaming the victim for putting a name to the event that caused the damage.  [/quote]
Lunacy. No wonder there are so many messed up adults. The mentality of treating children like adults and putting adult burdens on them is absolutely insane. These kids stand no chance to grow up and be healthy adults with your beliefs.[/quote]

I suspect you would also be angry at family members who go public about being a victim of child abuse by family members, so I’m glad not to agree with you on this. [/quote]

Because child abuse and cheating are the same thing.  :roll: [/quote]

On the side of the family secret keepers, I see. Yeah, that’s not a side I want to be on, thanks. I am not protecting the secrets of abusers. [/quote]

Oh please. Focus on your child. That's whose side you should be on.[/quote]

Of course. That means honesty and not hiding the secrets of abusers. I don’t tolerate not being honest about abusive family members. Obviously you do but we are different that way. [/quote]

You are hiding your urge to punish your ex and turn your kids against him behind a fig leaf of "honesty and not hiding the secrets of abusers". Would it help you to know that when your kids grow up they will understand your true motives and they won't be impressed with you?[/quote]

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