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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I really don't relate to posters who are defending the grandmother. Any responsible person would make sure to cancel before anything is set in stone. It has nothing to do with length of trip, etc. The Grandma knew this before hand. Don't give me the "cold feet" crap. Grandma just ruined the start of OP's holiday and OP is left trying to salvage some fun and relaxation. Any of you would be furious if someone did this to your plans! I would.
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+100 [/quote]

-100. I would not be furious. I would change my plans, and that’s life. Because my kids’ health and well-being and safety is more important than a vacation. And I’ve seen directly bad outcomes from caregivers who were stretched to thin, and we’ve certainly all read about them. [/quote]

Absolutely agree.  If the grandmother feels she cannot take care of the kids, then you have to respect her health and state of mind and accept it.

She is not the parent of these children and she does not have to babysit these kids, especially if she thinks she cannot manage it.   I am aghast at people who are not concerned that an elderly person is saying that they cannot manage to provide childcare to their grandkids.  I would be more concerned about the MIL and make sure that she has her support system and she is looked after.  And I would not allow my kids to be taken care of by anyone who is feeling that they cannot do this.  There is a big difference to providing care for an hour every day vs taking care of these kids for long stretches for 12 days.

Anyways, what kind of sicko leaves their kids (less than 6 yrs old) for 12 days and goes for an international vacation? [/quote]

This. Right. Here.

Something similar happened with my mom backtracking on grandkid help for my sister a few years ago. It was so sudden and out of character for her that my sister pressed a bit. It turns out that my mom had had two recent near-accidents in the car and was just starting to question her driving abilities. She wasn’t yet ready to face it, but as my sister’s vacation drew nearer, my mom panicked and pulled out. My sister and her husband reworked their vacation and got some other family members to help out. But what The Deal was turned out to indeed be something significant with my mom’s overall health, independence and yes, capacity to take care of her grandchildren.[/quote]

Say what you want, neither of you would be happy with your MILs if they backed out of caregiving at the last minute, before an international (and expensive!) trip.
The MIL can have the best reasons in the world, but OP is out a lot of money, was counting on MIL, and you should acknowledge that it's a big disappointment.

I would be furious, OP. The least MIL could have done is back out sooner.

[/quote]

Actually, you are wrong. As someone whose elderly aunt did not speak up and perhaps did not have the capacity to speak up when things started going south for her mentally and physically, and had a severe car accident as a result that hurt a child in the other car, you are wrong. I would absolutely be happy if there were an elderly person in my life who spoke up about health, mental health or mobility problems at any time. Those of you who don’t know this from experience, wow, you just don’t know, and I can’t believe you’re not willing to admit that elderly folks can decline suddenly, and some of them try to hide it—deliberately go out of their way to hide it—because they don’t want to face it.

I also say this as someone whose husband’s grandma still lived alone in her mid-90s. We checked on her often. In one case, I called after a bad storm and she said she was fine. I decided to go over there anyway even though my husband was out of town, and she had no power and very little food in the house. She had also lost her car keys. If I hadn’t have physically gone to check on her even after she said she was fine on the phone, that could have been bad.

I also say that as a former lifeguard who has seen a lot of grandparents watching kids at the pool but not really able to keep up with them. And while that did not lead to a drowning, it sure did lead to a lot of falls/scrapes, and in one choking incident.

Things happen, and if you have an elderly person in your life who is able to be honest with you about their limitations, consider yourself very lucky.[/quote]

This is all a fiction, based on their OWN family experience, dreamed up by a PP and latched onto by other respondents as if it were fact. There is NO indication that the healthy 60 year old MIL (not 80) who CHOOSES not to work is somehow dramatically medically fading.[/quote]

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