Reply to I was so naive re marriage, career and kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP it is pointless to take advice from SAHMs who don’t understand your situation. You have already heard from many working moms who are telling you to either outsource or hammer things out with your spouse. Getting that balance right can feel quite overwhelming, and it’s always a work in progress up until it just suddenly ends because the kid is older or things shift at work.

I will just add that the first years of a child are the hardest on a marriage, around years 2-3 is often when people report a lot of stress. Pregnancy and nursing is a time that many women, SAH or WOH, feel like they are having an experience the husband simply can’t understand. And when you get 2 years in the tiredness and frustration adds up. Just keep in mind this is temporary and the feeling that you are drowning in things undone will pass. With it will go the resentment at your spouse. I fully understand where you are coming from and honestly would be very frustrated with my spouse if he 1) did not want me to get a lower paying job but 2) sat on his butt reading a newspaper or playing a video game while I worked from 6:30 AM to midnight with no time for myself. I get it. Having a family and a career means sacrifices from both people, and getting the balance right for your family takes time.[/quote]

I’m a sahm now but I used to be a working mom.

Op, I would switch to a nanny plus preschool. Nanny can feed the kid, drive the kid, pick up the kid, do kids laundry, clean kids toys and feed dinner. Nanny can take kid to music class, art class, tot soccer, swim class and any other enrichment activities you see fit. It is usually better than just daycare. If you decide to have another child at some point, it would also be helpful.

I have had a FT nanny, PT nanny, summer nanny, housekeeper come everyday, PT cook, tutors, drivers, preschool with aftercare, elementary after care before decided to stay home.

The baby years are the easiest to outsource. You feel bad when the kid is older and you don’t do play dates. Then your kid hits elementary and they have all these activities. I had one kid in elementary and one in preschool plus extended care and had gotten rid of the nanny by then. My mistake was to not keep a FT nanny even if my kids were at school for 7-8 hours per day. Reliable good part time help was impossible to find. When I wrote the description of pick up kids, give them a snack, help with homework, take kids to sports and playground, I realized I wanted to be the one to do this. Then I had a third child shortly after and have been home ever since.

Dh earned around 800k when I decided to stay home. He didn’t have a flexible schedule then. Now he earns $2m+.[/quote]

The recommendation is good but obviously 99.9 percent of the Dmv is not making $2 million a year so adjust accordingly to your salary. Live in an apartment for awhile I guess if you want to outsource and save money. [/quote]

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