Reply to SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.[/quote]

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’. [/quote]

NP and working mom. I COULD fill the time but I certainly don't need it to do the things that have been listed. Are SAHM just inefficient? I don't outsource, I work full time, I cook meals from scratch, I exercise, and I go to work. We get it done, the kids help, it's all good. And to the PP who said plenty of people retire early or are wealthy and stay home, sure - but I bet their spouse isn't grinding out 40+ hour work weeks while they sit at home in retirement bliss and eat bonbons or listen to podcasts. [b]I completely understand why a working spouse would want the SAHP to get a job when the kids are in school all day. [/b][/quote]

Dual-income parents manage this all the time.  Expecting someone to work full time to support you so you can have six hours a day to do whatever you want is not automatically reasonable.  [b]If you managed all the cooking, cleaning, driving, errands, school volunteering when you had younger kids (which is what OP seems to be suggesting), it's not clear why you need the extra 6-8 hours a day without any childcare duties. [/b] There really isn't any reason you can't work at least part time, other than that you don't want to.  [/quote]

I mean, obviously people are different but my husband always knew this was the way it was going to go. You can't ask someone to dip out of the workforce for 10-15 years (which is what it was for us with our kids' ages plus the Pandemic) then jump back in after such a long gap. He always said, you're putting in the hard work up front then you get to "retire" early. He has no problem with the fact that I have a lot of leisure time to myself. I still do the cleaning, laundry, chores, etc. but yeah I do have a lot of leisure time, which we both see as a perk of the "job."[/quote]

This is a very uncommon viewpoint. You live a charmed life.[/quote]

Actually this viewpoint is common and not necessarily charmed but normal. Depends on your circle I guess. People have different “normals.”[/quote]

For the husband to be ok with grinding it out for at least 40 hours a week while his wife does whatever the eff she wants for six hours a day?? Unusual.[/quote]

Considering this thread alone is like 20 pages, I’d say this is an uncommon situation and that he is kind of a unicorn.[/quote]

[b]It's more common than you think. This site, and these threads, skew towards people who are bitter about how much work they have to do (at the office and at home) and thus are fiercely critical of anyone who has managed to avoid that. It is just a flavor of mommy-martyr that is so prevalent here.[/b] [/quote]

DP. After years of being on DCUM, I agree with the bolded above. I guess it helps that I apparently have another "unicorn" spouse who has never once pushed me to do anything he dictates I "should" be doing.

As the posts above all show, people have a hard time accepting that not every family has to have or wants to have two partners in what people here consider "normal" employment while they also juggle kids. Somehow those of us who choose a different arrangement are "lazy" or have "unicorn" spouses etc. etc. .....Shrug. So much need to judge on these threads.[/quote]

I agree with you. Less total work for the family seems preferable to more work, in almost all cases. Some people cannot afford. Some could afford it but also want to have a nice kitchen, or a second home, or whatever, and that requires two incomes. All choices that people make. But the hate for people who choose less work and more family time seems bizarre to me.[/quote]

That's just it. If one is happy and grounded they aren't bothered or jealous of someones lifestyle choices. I don't think it's hate per se, more like envy in disguise. [/quote]

Definitely not jealous. I personally would be bored as a SAHM. For me my career isn't just about making money  it's a passion for me But I fully understand that it's different for other women and that's ok.  I'm  fortunate enough that  my husband is okay with me doing whatever. He's also  a full teammate when it comes to parenting and the household so I'm not coming home to a second full time job. .  His first wife was actually a SAHM and when we were dating we discussed his views on that. . A large focus of my career is actually focused on  mothers and firmly believe that as a society we need to better at supporting all Mom's and women have to choose what is right for them. . My own mother was a SAHM I don't think she enjoyed it though, I think she felt familial and religious pressure to do so but that's a topic for another thread.[/quote]

I think the point about envy (jealousy is the wrong word) was aimed at the people who come on here and bash someone's decision to be a SAHM and attribute the decision to either sexism or laziness or the like.

[/quote]

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