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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I made a TERRIBLE mistake pressuring my kid to do well in hopes that she would get merit aid at a good college.
My kid is a great student and has pretty good test scores (not 4.0/1600 though), but suffers from stress, anxiety and depression. I don't think I caused all this, but I do think my stress about getting DD into a good college and my worry about the cost of college has been a very bad thing, and I deeply regret even mentioning it to DD.
My kid is smart, and she's going to do fine at no-name, whatever in-state school. My older kids went to our flagship (they are smart too) and are doing fine!! I went overboard with my youngest DD because I thought she was so extra talented (maternal projection, no doubt), but it was a HUGE mistake. Huge. 
I went to two Ivys, so I guess I felt badly that I couldn't offer the same education to my kid. My issue, not DD's. 
In retrospect, I don't think I ought to have mentioned college to her until junior year, and then only delicately and casually. My DD is a rising senior now, and she is extremely stressed out about college, grades, SAT, etc. It's such a bad thing, making her unhappy during her last year at home. I wish I'd been far more relaxed about the whole college thing. Her friends are stressed (and some are depressed too, likely owing to the pandemic), but DD is very sensitive. I feel badly, leven though I was trying to do the right thing for my DD. I have two other kids who didn't need to be pushed, but DD did (I thought). I ought to have left her alone. Now, I am, but it's too late. She's caught up in the chaos, and I'm daily trying to talk her down, calm her down, make her feel good about going to in-state school, about her imperfect (but really, really good!) grades! I wish I'd never gotten caught up in this rat race to nowhere. :([/quote]

are you an asian family?[/quote]

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