Reply to Does SAHM make a difference during infant years?

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Does SAHM make a difference during infant years? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My personal opinion (WOHM married to SAHD) is that kids benefit from having a parent at home.  It does not have to be the mom.[/quote]

I also think families benefit from having at least one family member who can focus on running the household, regardless of who does it. I think it can even be a parent who works, if their job is flexible and ideally not full time. But having one person whose primary focus is on making sure the house is functioning, making sure people are eating well, planning vacations, etc. is so valuable. Yes you can outsource some of that. But unless you are really really wealthy and can hire managers and assistance who will just do your bidding, you're only outsourcing a fraction of these tasks (plus gaining new tasks like negotiating your housekeeper's salary or interviewing new nannies when the old one decides to move across country to live with her son, etc.).

Two parents with serious careers has some advantages (mostly financial), but it's a kind of chaotic life for all involved and my experience and observation is that a lot of little resentments and dysfunctions creep in. [/quote]

So, you think the benefit is having someone run the household because you have a person who is good at/enjoys doing that, correct? Some people hate it. The idea of meal planning, grocery shopping, etc. sounds painful to them. And yes, you can very easily outsource pretty much all of that. And planning vacations? I guess if you're taking an extensive vacation every month that would be exhausting, but planning a few a year is clearly something anyone with a job could do. It doesn't take multiple full-time days.

My husband and I both have what I guess you would call serious careers, but we have a full-time nanny even though our kids are now in full-time school (and are actually at school) as well as a maid. The only laundry in the house I do is our clothes. The nanny and maid do the kids clothes, the towels, and all the beds. We have a gardener so we don't deal with that. My husband and I both plan our vacations because we care about what we do and both have an opinion on it, but that is a fun activity. The nanny does the grocery shopping and some meal prep. The rest we do because we enjoy cooking.

Our life is definitely not chaotic. We only have two kids, so perhaps that's why, but I always find the notion that any family with two working parents has frazzle-haired moms and stressed-out dads to be a little ridiculous. Our group of friends of say 20 or so other families are very similar to us. Yes, we're wealthy, and yes hiring help makes life easier, but I'm responding specifically to you comment about any family with dual-working parents must have chaos, resentment, and dysfunctions. That judgement is false, and also rude.[/quote]

Yes, you are rich. Good job. Many families with two working parents (most families) cannot afford a nanny and a maid, and don’t necessarily have the kind of job that allows them to manage a lot of family tasks while working. The point is that for those families (again, most families) it is extremely helpful to have one parent with no job or a less demanding job in order to do the work of making the home run.

I swear, the rich people on this board act like they’ve never met or heard of someone who can’t afford full time help. It is ridiculous.[/quote]

So you'll dismiss my post because I'm rich but your post applies to all people... Ok, sure. [/quote]

NP - they’re disregarding it (or I am) bc you’re a jerk. A child benefits from a person taking on running the household. You outsource that job, which is a luxury even at $400k HHI (we are slightly above this and I would call it a luxury to hire multiple staff plus private school I’m guessing?). Our friends who are above average salary around here (both feds) can’t afford this but yea, children benefit from someone running the household and if you can’t outsource, it tends to be chaotic until the kids reach a certain age. The same would hold even if one parent SAH but chose not to take on these tasks. [/quote]

You may want to ask yourself why you're so angry. Why am I a jerk? You said a child benefits from a PERSON taking on running the household. PP said a child benefits from a PARENT taking on running the household. My point was that my kids couldn't care less who is doing the grocery shopping, so I think attributing some benefit to a child having their parent being the one washing their sheets is ludicrous. Why you think that makes me a jerk boggles my mind, but whatever. You do you. Sorry your life is chaotic.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics