Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Cheating PP, if you’re so convicted your wife knows what you’re up to, why would it blow up her life or blow up the marriage to get it out in the open? Both of you obviously have reasons to stay married, would it not be a relief to not have to pretend anymore? [/quote]

=1.  Cheater, you argue that any reasonably intelligent woman in the same circumstance as your wife would know her DH was cheating, so therefore your wife must know you are cheating.  If that is true, why do you refuse to talk to her about it?  I mean, she already knows and must not care so why not talk to her about it?  You can just tell her when you are meeting up with the AP and not worry about sneaking around or lying.[/quote]  I think I've explained this at least 5 times now.  If you don't understand what I said, I don't know how to make it any clearer for you.  I'm good with how things are.  I'm not, "worry about sneaking around or lying."   I'm very lucky in that it's not difficult for my AP and I to find time together.

I have NOTHING to gain from telling her and a lot to lose.  So many things could go wrong with that.  Call it a non-consensual DADT arrangement if you like, for indeed, we never discussed it or agreed to it.  As others have pointed out, I've decided this for her just as she made her decision for me without my consent.  I don't seek her permission, understanding, or blessing to keep doing what I'm doing.

If she ever really wanted to talk.  Really wanted to address this and/or go to counseling, I would probably tell her.  But she doesn't.  She doesn't want one word of discussion about it so I'm not going to clue her in and potentially blow up my AP's marriage if she decides to go bat shit crazy.  There is no upside at all to telling her.[/quote]

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