Reply to Kobe Bryant killed in helicopter crash (per TMZ)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This happens even with not famous people. An acquaintance of mine died. Everyone knew she wasn't a particularly nice person but at her funeral and on social media they praised her for and even referred to her as a great wife and mother. She was neither of those. I knew her daughter and her daughter could tell countless stories of what a not great wife and mother she was...but everyone knew that her death wasn't the time to hang out all her dirty laundry.

That is just normal. Comments after death are for the surviving family and friends - wanting to highlight that person's mistakes seems really crass and rude. What benefit is there to be gained by trying to hurt the family? Is death really the time to try and stab a screwdriver in the surviving people's backs and twist?[/quote]

This.

It makes little sense to demonize people. I can see if the person was a serial killer, but in many cases, people screw up. We’re human beings. Acting like everyone should be perfect saints is unrelated and unrealistic.

The demonizing of people dying culture trend needs to end. My own mother has been one of the most selfish mean people ever but when she goes, of course I’ll remember her as my dear sweet mother. [/quote]

That does a disservice to survivors. My mother died when I was very young and I was raised with the idea that she was a saint. Everyone told me how wonderful, selfless, perfect she was, what an amazing mother she'd been. I only heard good stories. I had a baby, and part of this was postpartum hormones, but I felt like such a failure. I wasn't the perfect mother, I could never live up to my mother's memory, etc. I called my aunt and she came over and told me how my mother had dropped me, and I had been starving because she struggled at breastfeeding, and she was so cranky and sleep deprived. It made me feel so much better, and since then I've asked family and her friends for her screw up stories, and stories of her failings and flaws. It's made me feel closer to her,  to think of her as human, and also made me miss her more. [/quote]

So you feel it would have been best at the time of your mother's death for people to publicly share online and via other public means those stories? Why would the world need to know at the time of her death that she had struggled with breastfeeding? Do you really feel that needed to shouted out in a newspaper for the world to know? What your family could have told you in private has no bearing on what needs to be made public. [/quote]

His legacy is public and pretending he was perfect in public is wrong. We need to remember people as they were, not how we wish they were. So yes, people will remember your flaws when you die, probably in public at your funeral. Even if your not famous. And that's how it should be. [/quote]

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