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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Not worth what?  The finances?  Sacrificing sleep and taking care of another human being?  The ups/down going through IVF?   So, what did she say when you said "it's not worth it"?

Do you ever think about this situation from your son's point of view?  Do you think it would be good for him to have a sibling?[/quote]

Finances isn't the issue,  she has excellent ivf coverage.  Sacrificing sleep? Yes.  Ups/downs on going thru ivf?  Yes.  She wasn't happy with what I said.  She also mentioned the benefit for our son and I told her I don't see the benefit of adding another baby just so he can have a sibling. [/quote]
I'm PP.. i totally get the sleep deprivation part. I can't speak much to the issues with going through IVF since I've never gone though it.  But, there is benefit to having a sibling for your son.  It's one of the reasons I wanted another child.

I have two kids - one boy, one girl. Sure, sometimes they fight, but even though they are different genders, it's nice for them to have another child for them to relate to in the family.  I told my DC that one of the reasons we had another child was for this very reason, and DC said he was glad that we had a sibling for him. He knows of another child who is an only, and he said he feels sorry for this kid (they are friends).  DC said he can't imagine not having a sibling.

Both my DH and  I have a couple of siblings. Even though neither of us see our siblings regularly, it's nice to know they are there, and especially now that our parents are old.  It's nice to be able to share that burden, and I don't mean financial burden. It's the mental burden of checking up on your parents, of ensuring they are getting care and they have what they need.  Plus,  once the parents pass away, the only child may feel alone. My DH wasn't on board with #2 until I mentioned how he would feel once his parents pass away, knowing that he had no other close family members left.  I told DH I don't want to put that burden on an only child.

So we had #2.  Not gonna lie. It's been hard. We had to sacrifice a lot.  But I think it's been the best thing for our family.

Are you an only child? Is your wife?[/quote]

I totally agree with everything said here, but I am not sure it’s enough to decide about having another child. I have 2 and will give birth to the third in 5 weeks, but I always knew I wanted at least 2. I would have never been happy/satisfied with my life had I not had 2... I am sure eventually I would have been able to adjust and be happy, but I am sure I would have always longed for one more. I totally understand his wife. She always wanted 2+, she never entertained the possibility of stopping at one so, apart from being great for her current child, having 2+ is what she has always wanted... he messed up her life in a bad way. I would have never accepted DH saying no to the second... he tried... said he was happy with one and life was good “easy” (as easy as it can be with a 16-17 months old). For me it would have been a deal breaker and I would not have made the mistake his wife made and wait 5 years (and I was MUCH younger).

I feel horrible for his wife and I understand her feeling of betrayal. OP you put her in a terrible and impossible situation. She will likely never have the family and life she is always wanted and this is YOUR fault. You don’t deserve her and not matter how things will turn out, your family won’t be happy and loving for a long time (unless you change your mind and profusely apologized and made appointments for her treatments right away)[/quote]

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