Reply to Closed Adoption and found the birth mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The only people who's opinions should count are the birth family's and the adoptee. No one else. Not the adoptive family and certainly not the random general public who have no idea or experience about adoption and couldn't possibly fathom what it's like to have placed a child or be adopted.  Everyone else is talking out of their ass.[/quote]

Like the woman who chose to give up her child for adoption, closed the adoption, didn’t want to be contacted, but had her family contacted (instead of her), regardless? [/quote]
Adoptee didn’t find her family using a PI they gave their genetic material to a private corporation who btw didn’t guarantee that they wouldn’t be contacting by ppl they wouldn’t want to hear from. Birth mother should be just as angry with her relatives. [/quote]

nope
just because you found out your mother doesn't mean you have the right to contact her (much less insist on it) if she explicitly said she didn't want you to [/quote]
Well when someone opts into being contacted on one of these platforms it does. That’s why you have the option to not do that. Have you ever used 23 and me or Ancestry? You select to allow people to contact you. Also as is obvious from the first post...OP’s sister didn’t contact her relatives through any other means besides the website. [/quote]

yes i have used 23 and me, but that is completely irrelevant. technology doesn't change anything. you can in principle contact people who opt out but if you KNOW THAT YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO then you shouldn't do it.

lets say i have a relative who i had a falling out with and he told me never to speak to him again and he registered on 23&me and there was a match made possible by him allowing generic strangers to contact him. i would not contact him! just because the site allows it and he said it was ok to (but not to me specifically - just in general) doesn't mean i should do it. specific agreements  related to closed adoption vastly override some general purpose agreement on some website.[/quote]

If you used it, you would see that you don't need to contact anyone at all to see a genetic relationship...it SAYS it there..even if the OP's sister never contacted anyone, they can still see it and figure it out pretty quickly.  I was sent a message like this : "Who are you?  I know all my siblings/cousins, and they aren't on here."

Also, if she contacted them, they could choose not answer. But, they will still know...her crime was having her DNA up there, that's all. Oh, and being born.[/quote]

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